You know you have a problem when you wake up in the morning and count the hours until it's time for bed again
When you spend more time with your dogs than you do with real people
You know you have a problem when your parents are afraid to leave you on your own
When number on the scale can send you spiralling in to a black hole of depression
When you look down and see there is vomit on your clothes
You know you have a problem when the number on the scale can send you sky rocketing in to euphoria
When you are driving so fast you hope you will crash
When there is a constant war going on inside your head
You know you're losing it when you have a path worn between your kitchen and your bathroom
When you barely leave the house
When you feel like an emotional yo-yo
You know you are in danger when you're saving up your meds
When purging feels as natural as breathing
When you feel like you are broken beyond repair
You know you are sick when you enjoy the sound your stomach rumbling
When you wake up in the night because you are so hungry
When your thoughts are consumed with weights, food and numbers
You know you have a problem when you can't cry
When you can't remember the last time you laughed
You know something's wrong when you avoid your favorite foods
When you panic because you can't exercise
When sleep is the only peace of mind you get
You know you are getting worse when you push all your friends away
When you think about vanishing every day
When your sister won't let you babysit your nephew
It's a reflection of your state of mind when you have to psych yourself up to have a shower
When the number on the scale dictates your mood, self worth and self esteem
When you avoid the mirror at all costs
When you feel like you are dying inside
You know you are losing it when you feel so alone
When 12 years later you are still in the midst of this illness
When nothing else matters
When the future is too scary to think about
When you have a passive death wish
You know you have a problem when all your hopes and dreams have been dashed
When you feel like your thoughts are killing you
When numbers impact you more than words
When your afraid to have friends because you'll just let them down
When life scares you more than death
You know things are not right when you just want to walk out your front door and never come back
When losing weight is the only thing that matters
When you feel like you are going insane
When you have to make yourself think of reasons not to overdose
When you're lying to yourself everyday
When you're losing the will to live
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You know you have a glimmer of hope when you won't let any of this stop you from getting well
You know you're going to be ok when you remember you have people around you who love you
When you look back over the last year and see how far you've come
When you wake up and think 'I can do this, just for today'
You know you can get well when you remember that you are stronger than your eating disorder
When you look in the mirror and don't hate what you see
When you remember that you are not a bad person and are in fact a good person
When you realize you have new hopes and dreams
You know you are winning the battle when the voice in your head is just a whisper now
When you do the opposite of what your eating disorder wants
When you wake up and think 'I don't want to die today'
