Work

Some how
It is MaySummer is just around the cornerI seem to have blinked and missed springWork starts next weekAnd I am beyond anxiousI am terrifiedNo exaggeration I've been counting down the days Willing myself to find the courage to press onI'm not entirely sure why I'm in such a bad way about it allI don't remember feeling this way last yearBut I was a newbie thenThis year I am wondering if more will be expected of me because I was there last summerAnd I'm putting huge pressure on myselfSo let's break it down Why am I so bloody anxious?There are many reasons I've gained weightWhat will people think?What if I fuck up?What if I can't handle it and I curl up in to a ball right there in the middle of the centre?What if I lose my confidence and become paralysed with fear?What if I forget to do something like turn off the gas and I burn the place down?I swear I could go on like this all day long Inventing anxiety provoking situations The thing is Historically I have enjoyed this work The people The guests The buzz of a working kitchenThe banter Or the craic as we say here in IrelandI had come to the point where I thought I wouldn't be able to do thisThat I would have to pull out retreat to a dark room to lick my wounds But then today I got a phone callIt was Mary She had some great news about more people being trained to work in the ED services in this areaShe also won an award for the fantastic work she doesI told Mary about my impending job and the overwhelming anxiety and fearShe was her usual calm self Reminded me that I am more than capable To take deep breathes To be kind to myself After a short conversationI felt a whole lot better Suddenly I had an injection of self belief straight innto my jugular Suddenly work didn't seem so scary Because in all reality It's only for three months It's not rocket science It's hard work But it's not complicated I feel able to do it I want to do itI can do it I will do it 
In other news I was horse riding yesterday My trainer has taken it easy on me the last couple of weeks After the fall off Coco No jumping which was disappointing But I know I will get back there I am always in such a rush to get everywhere Always ten steps ahead of myself I do not possess the virtue of patienceNot at all Coco is doing great He is thriving in the good weather And fresh grassIt's now been four month since I started visiting himHe is coming on so wellBack in January He was a scared and lonely ponyNow he is confident and cheeky And full of funHe has found a friend in Lea He lives her so much and follows her everywhere bless himNow Coco wears his head collar with pride Walks with a lead rope And picks up his feetWhich is great as the farrier is coming saturday to do his hoovesI am trying to post photos But the app won't let me for some reasonHoney and Lea are good Lea is going a bit deaf which is sad But she is a happy wee thingHoney now calls over to my neighbor looking for food Which is so funny as she walks around lily she owns the place
AnywayJust a short post for a quick update See you on the flip side...