Humor Magazine

Why I Regected My Job: Part II

By Regectedriter @regectedriter

…or as I like to call it:

Everybody Makes Mistakes, But You Better Not.

So it’s a fact of life.  We all do it, sometimes, probably multiple times a day.  They come in many shapes and sizes.  Some look like this:

Why I Regected My Job: Part II
Some look like this:

Why I Regected My Job: Part II

When I started my job, I really had no idea what I was doing.  It was in a field I had no experience in.  My interview went like this:

Boss: So do you know anything about this field whatsoever?

Me: No

BAM.  I don’t lie when it comes to job skills to avoid this conversation:

Bad Scenario: You lied to me!

Me: I THOUGHT I’D KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE HEART ONCE IT WAS OUT!

So when I was told I got the job, I was a little surprised but pretty confident in my abilities to learn from asking questions and paying attention during training.

Except there was about five minutes of training before they started me off. It went like this:

Supervisor: Click here here here here input here there do the hokey pokey but don’t turn yourself around except in cases where you have to click here and there.
Got it?

Me: Not at all

Supervisor: If you have any questions, ask

Me: Can you explain it again?

Boss: Why doesn’t AG understand?

Supervisor: I don’t know, I just explained it

Boss: AG, were you not listening?

Me: I’m just a little confused

[phone rings]

Supervisor: Why aren’t you answering the phone?

Me: I’m sorry I didn’t know [answers phone]

Boss: Why didn’t AG know

Supervisor: I don’t know, I just explained it

Me: Hello, Worst Company in the World, how may I help you?

Boss: We don’t answer the phone like – Why did AG answer the phone like that?

Superviser: I dunno, I just explained it

Me: I’m sorry, there is chatter going on in the background, what was your name?

Boss: We don’t ask customers their – Why did AG ask the customer their name?

Supervisor: I just explained it

Boss: AG, we never ever ever say the company’s name. Ever.  And you don’t ask the customers why they’re calling- you just pass the call along to me. And we say Good Morning or Good Afternoon, we NEVER EVER EVER SAY HELLO

Supervisor: Just like I explained it

Me: ….so there’s a customer on the phone

Boss: Who is it and what do they want?

That was my five minutes of training.

And I made a LOT of mistakes my first two weeks. You know the type.  The I’m New at this Job and I Didn’t Realize I Was Doing it Wrong mistakes.
But the conversation would go like this:

Boss: You can’t do it like this, this destroys everything I have ever lived for!

Me: I’m sorry, I won’t make that mistake again.

Boss: THIS IS A HUGE DEAL

Me: I just fixed the mistake

Boss: I WILL HOLD THIS AGAINST YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR EMPLOYMENT!

By the end of the day, I’d feel like this:

Why I Regected My Job: Part II

I felt like my mistakes were destroying everybody’s lives, but in reality, they weren’t.  They were easily fixable and nobody was effected by them. And I wouldn’t re-make the mistakes.

But they kept on changing the rules.  I felt like I was playing special edition Monopoly- confusing and just as long with no chance of winning in sight.

AND THEN my Supervisor went on vacation.  And they had me take over his job for two weeks.

Sticking with the theme, he gave me two minutes of training.

Supervisor: So you feel confident?

Me: Nope. I’m going to do my best but I think there’ll be a lot of mistakes because I really have no idea what is going on.

Supervisor: Aight, See you in two weeks!

Insert the sound of a door closing and picture me alone with a woman who resents me.

(Oh that’s right, it was only me, my boss and my supervisor in the office).

What happened after that? Stay tuned for Part III in the trilogy of Why I Regected My Job….

 


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