Humor Magazine

Why I Regected My Job: Part I

By Regectedriter @regectedriter

As some of you may know, I quit my job.

I know, I know, economy and whatnot.  There were so many reasons to NOT quit, it was remarkable and I second guessed myself up to the bitter end.

Here’s what my Pros and Cons list looked like:

Why I Regected My Job: Part I

So why did I decide to leave?  How did I come to the conclusion?  I don’t know; I’m beginning to think I made the wrong decision.

I mean, it’s not like my boss was crazy. No, she was completely reasonable and logical at all times.  I mean, here’s what a conversation between us was like on any given hour of the day:

Boss: What are you doing?

Me: My job

Boss: I’m glad you’re doing your job, I just don’t understand why you’re doing it wrong.

Me: I’m doing it the way you told me

Boss: Well, I changed my mind and didn’t tell you.  I don’t think I even remember realizing that I changed my mind.  So do it this way now.

Me: All right, I will do it that way now.

THREE MINUTES LATER….

Boss: What are you doing?

Me: My job

Boss: But why are you doing it wrong AGAIN?

Me: I’m doing it exactly how you changed your mind to do it

Boss: Yes, but why penguins?

Me: What?

Boss: Penguins cannot fly and the ducks go away in winter, but where?

Me: …Do you mean to do it…this way?

Boss: BEEBOPSHALABADINGDONG! SHOOP SHOOP PING PANG!

Me: So…don’t answer the phones?

Boss: It’s in his kiss, that’s where it is!

Me: Please don’t recite song lyrics at me

Boss: Finish my thought for me- Airplanes in the night sky are like…..

Me: Shooting stars?

Boss: NO!  That’s inprobable

Me: But it’s a song.

Boss: No it’s not

Me: Here’s the youtube link

Boss: Youtube doesn’t exist.

Me: But it does

Boss: Implication that your intelligence is less than subpar.

Me: I will agree with you because all I want is to finish the work you have given me to do.

Boss: All I want to know is why you do everything wrong all the time

Me: I’m sorry, I’m really trying my hardest to do it right because I am a people pleaser and try to bring optomism into a pessimistic world

Boss: Well don’t do that, it hurts my eyes. Bring me a fresca

AG brings her a fresca

Boss: I WANTED APPLE JUICE

So I mean, it was clearly a healthy work environment.  And very clean.  Here are some of my favorite pictures of the work place:

Why I Regected My Job: Part I

Those aren’t moldy crumbs, that’s just magical work dust!

Why I Regected My Job: Part I

This is the phone I was on while I spoke to Dell for 6 hours, fixing my boss’ computer.  It didn’t smell like something had crawled inside the receiver and died in it, at all!
I’m sure it was SUPPOSED to smell that way, really.
Really.

And just in case you were wondering how in the heck the phone receiver could come to look like that:

Why I Regected My Job: Part I
I guess she thought that her receiver was some sort of trash can?  Or maybe she liked to mash her food with the phone.  Well, that’s GENIUS, using the phone for food preparation AND for talking. Wow.

I know you must be saying, AG, why the heck didn’t you clean that up?

Do you really think I didn’t try?

Why I Regected My Job: Part I

But I mean, all of that is negotiable…so why did I really quit?

Stay tuned for Part II….


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