And I've just realised how many bloggers have stopped blogging
Some have deleted their entire blogs
I wonder what has happened to these girls
Did they recover?
Did they finally tell their EDs to fuck right off?
Did they go in to treatment?
Did they die?
Where are they?
A lot of the bloggers that were around when I first started blogging have now disappeared
I miss them
And I worry about them
I wish I knew what had happened to them
Rayya?
Emily?
Katie?
The Lovely Bones?
And Thinderella who I had become very close to seemed to vanish off the face of the earth
I hope the fact that some of these girls deleted their blogs means that they finally saw how empty this way of life is and they moved on
I hope they have let go of their need to lose weight
I hope they are living their lives in spite of their ED
And of course for every blog that disapppears
There are two that pop up
I feel conflicted about this
I love to find a new blog that I really identify with
But I hate the fact that there is one more person fighting this battle
We have a unique community here
Not everyone understands it
But for us it is vital
It's so important that we have a place to vent
A place to be heard
A place to identify with others
A place we can reveal our darkest secrets without fear of rejection or judgement
Some of us write openly
Some of us anonymously
But we all do it for the same reason
Because we are eating disordered
We are hurting
We feel a pain that is almost unbearable
We need to know that there are others like us
We need to know that we are not alone fighting this cruel illness
We need each other
I had a good friend that I met through blogging
She used to blog in this community but stopped after she got well
She always told me that I should get out of this community
That it was unhealthy
But I write because I have to
I literally have to
These days I have so much to write about that I write every day
Sometimes more than that
My head is just so full of thoughts and ideas
I can barely contain it
And since my health has improved so has my clarity of mind
I make sense of the world through writing
I clear my head through writing
I live through writing
I was wondering about you
If you blog why do you blog?
Why do you write?
What do you get from blogging?
