Life Coach Magazine

When the Sex-y is Gone, Part 2

By Bren @Virtual_Bren

Do you remember my post What Happens When the Sex-y is Gone? We discussed if a relationship could survive without intimacy sex. Back in January 2013 when this post was published, I actually thought a relationship could survive, even despite YOU, my friends and readers, telling me otherwise.

Well if you follow my blog long enough, you would think I’ve changed my mind since then….AND INDEED I HAVE!

Sex IS an important part of a relationship and it CAN definitely ruin a relationship.

I know there are medical reasons why people can not have sex and if the love is there and the bond is strong enough, I’m sure it’s possible, the relationship can survive. However, if you have two (2) partners who are actively wanting sex yet not COMMUNICATING their needs to one another, THIS is another issue and unfortunately can set the relationship up to fail.

Reasons Why Sex Isn’t Happening

  1. Work schedules
  2. Children
  3. Different sex drives
  4. Lack of communication
  5. Health issues
  6. One or both partners are having an affair
  7. Animals
  8. Exhaustion
  9. Lack of attraction
  10. Travel, etc.

Yet, there has to be a time limit on these actions. Time must be made in a relationship for sex.

If No Sex, Either or Both Partners May Begin Feeling

  1. Frustrated
  2. Feeling neglected
  3. Depressed
  4. Lonely
  5. Start looking for sex outside of the relationship
  6. Anxiety
  7. Hatred
  8. Set on separation and/or divorce

If you haven’t gotten to the point of divorce because of a sexless marriage/relationship, there is still HOPE!

Ways to Rekindle the Sex in Your Relationship

  1. Commit to making it work, this includes BOTH partners
  2. Seek couples or individual therapy
  3. Make it a priority to be kind, attentive, and loving
  4. Relearn one another’s bodies by touch or massage; get naked and lay together (no sex necessary)
  5. Talk about your fantasies and desires
  6. Add a bit of adventure (sexy lingerie, sex toys, video’s)

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I am by far not an expert but over the past 6 months I have read so much info on rekindling sex in a marriage, rebuilding trust, and salvaging your relationship. First and foremost, IT TAKES TWO to make it work. Both partners must be willing to commit, be honest, and communicate.

In my personal opinion, we all go through phases in our relationships where we may not feel as close to our partner as we’d like. If you start to feel that way, please be sure to communicate your feelings with your partner. Don’t hide those feelings and just continue being frustrated. Your partner is not a mind reader. COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

How long do you think is too long without having sex?

Do you feel there are ways to rekindles a sexless marriage or do you feel the damage has already been done?

Have you ever experienced a phase like this and if so, were you able to rekindle the flame?

Let’s discuss!

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“Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.


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