Grief and grieving. When a grandchild comes face to face with death of a loved one.
I only want what is best for my graGrief ndchildren; I feel the need to keep them safe, to protect them from sadness and pain whenever I can and I wish they could remain as innocent as they were when they came into this world, but life does not work that way.
Many children will experience a major loss before they become adults. A parent, a sibling or another loved one may die after a long illness or accident. It is difficult for a child to accept that a death has occurred and he/she does not have the faintist idea of how to handle this brand new kind of pain. The child not only misses the person who has gone but worries about who will take care of him/her. I realize that there is no timetable for grief. Some children act out, become angry, have scary nightmares or have trouble falling asleep. He/she might show a decline in school grades, show regressive behavior and feel anxious and very insecure.
Children get upset at times but for short periods which does not mean he/she has gotten over their feelings of grief. That child simply can’t focus on intense emotions for too long. I think it’s their mind’s way of protecting him/her from being overwhelmed by strong emotions. Their grief takes longer to finish because a child needs to mourn over and over. Their response depends on age. I went through this when their grandfather, my husband passed away. While grappling with my own feelings,I wanted to do all I could do to help our grandchildren and thought a great deal about it.
I spoke to them about what had happened in a calm and natural way. I answered their questions as honestly as I could and did not mind repeating myself if needs be. I asked them to share their feelings with me and I shared mine with them.
They were all present at their grandfather’s funeral. Afterwards, we spoke about his illness and the way he died, and when they wanted to put pictures they had drawn on his grave, I agreed after checking with their parents, of course.
I knew that I couldn’t protect them from sadness but I was able to help them mourn and move on. They knew that they could turn to me at any time and I think that it helped them understand and cope with the terrible tragedy that had happened to them, to their parents and to me, of course. They asked why there was place for another grave next to their grandfather’s and I told them that he’d wanted me to be buried next to him. Before they could ask questions, I said; “but I am not planning to die for a long time,” which satisfied them for the moment. They know that they can always turn to me, that I will always love them and spend time with them for as long as I can.
It still bothers them that I live alone and they take turns to come for a sleep-over whenever they can. Once, when my six-year-old-grandson was spending the day with me, he said; “Let’s visit Papa.” “Okay,” I said and we drove to the cemetery which is not far away. He held my hand and stood looking at his grandfather’s grave, studied the tombstone, asked a few questions then said he would bring a plant to place on the grave the next time. He asked whether we could walk around the cemetery a bit, asked a few questions, and then said; “Let’s go to the park now, okay?”
