Week 2

Yesterday
I finished my second week at workI've also been looking after my Dad this week as my Mam was awayIt was a long weekAnd it's so lovely to have a few days offOn Sunday I worked the 4-12am shift alone I was anxious before itAs I've never done that shift before As you can imaging I spent the whole week thinking about itAlmost dreading itI would rather not be there on my ownBut there was only 15 staying in the house So only one person is needed on every shiftYesterday I was on 8-4pmSo rather than going hint and conning back a few hours later I decided to stay the night thereIt was Avery quiet night And I spent a couple of hours just chatting with the guests It's funny how something I was dreading so muchgCan turn around and flip what you expected I think about the run up to my starting workI was a complete basket case And really wasn't sure if I would be able to start I felt that badBut nowTwo weeks later And I am now wondering what I was so worried for Basically working there is like running a big houseIt's not complicate at allBut it is hard workAm on my feet all dayRunning between three floors Lots of lifting and physical workAnd it's busyBut I would rather be busy than bored any day of the weekIt's like a big never ending circle You set and serve breakfast And by the time you havr everything washes and put away It's time to start lunchSo it's a bit like ground hog dayBut it's very satisfying to have a sparkling and shiny kitchen at the end of the dayI've also made some new friend at work which is lovely Our manager is very good at choosing her work staffEveryone is sound, hard working and easy to get along with So I am a happy camper all round
The only thing about workIs that I'm not getting to see Coco as much I used to see him every day without failBut now it's four times a weekWhich is still good I guessI am doing my best though And the time I do have with him is very specialUnfortunately Relations with Cocos owner are breaking down He is being very difficult Not an easy person to deal withI texted him this morning about enclosing Coco in a smaller areaHe texted me back to 'go ahead'This made my blood boilAs he knows good and well that I can't do it alone And even if I could The expense should not fall to meI've already spent a lot of money on Coco And to expect me to pay for fencing is just not onTechnically when it comes down to itIt's not my land or my pony And really his owner needs to take some responsibility to look after his own animalI have brought Coco on so much To the pony where he trusts meAnd his best friend LeaI could actually see this coming His owner has been a smart arse from the startI've had to bite my tongue thus farBut no more Even though I love Coco And would do anything for himI'm not prepared to be tested like a door matHe is messing with the wrong girl..Another option I have is that I buy Coco And move him to a field nearer to meI have someone in mind to askSo that could be a possibility Whatever happens I am not turning my back on the pony I'm way too involved now
In other news Summer is here Although you wouldn't know it in this countryHaving gained weight I am not thrilled at the prospect of getting my arms and legs outI know it's bad but I've been tanning As it makes looking at myself a little less painful But to be honest My ED feels very far away nowI don't even think about it reallyAnd even at this weight It doesn't really bother me that much Yea I knowI'm confused tooBut weight has come to be of little importance to me recently I never though I would hear myself say itBut I am not a size 10-12 European I have curves I have boobs galoreMy thighs are substantial But I am more curious and interested than anything Of course this means I am in the process of buying new clothes And dressing a new shapeI've discovered that instead of trying to Hide myself in tent like clothes It's much much better to embrace my curves And make the most of my shapeI don't need to tell you that this is massive progressI have foung that in recover, the body recovers first And it takes the kind a lot longer to get better But ladies let me tell you that it's worth the waitTo feelComfortable in your own skin is just amazing Better than any weight loss Better than seeing the number on the scales go downI shit you not!I am just so grateful to be in a good placeAnd I am blessed and lucky to have a crack team of family and friends around meWho have carried me when I thought I couldn't go onRecovery is a team effort I think often times the families and friends around the sufferer are almost forgotten about Addiction, mental health and other conditions effect the whole family The whole family lives through itIt's the same in recovery Families need supportThey need to be minded tooAs they are the ones who got us through Who held us Let us cry on their shoulder Who forgave us And never gave up on usThey are brilliant without a doubt So thank you To all the Mams, Dads, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles, children, friend and not forgetting the animals in our lives They are to be celebratedBecause without themGod knows where we would be
I'll leave it there for today Thank you for reading And for being thereFrom the bottom of my heartThank you💜