Week 2

It seems since starting my course That I'm only posting once a weekI'm just so very tired during the weekThat when I get home I don't have the energy to do anything But anyway I made it through week 2Which I must admit Was a lot tougher than week 1The other new girl who started with me hasn't come back She was offered a job So I guess she took that I think I already mentioned That we spend three days in the classroom Two days of doing our portfolios And one day of horsemanship theory Then we spend two days in the stables It's one extreme to another The classroom is laid back No pressure And the stables is hard physical work It's go go goSo On a Thursday we get a bus out to the stables And gather in the classroom to go over some stuff Our tutors name is Grainne And she is one hardy buck She pulls no punches And takes no shit Truth be told I'm just a little bit afraid of her Our other tutors name is JoannaAnd I swear Only for her I don't think I would have got through this weekWhere as Grainne is tough and hard on us Joanna is kind and super encouraging It's a kind of good cop, bad cop I guess After the classroom We head to the stables to muck out We find a wheel barrow A pitch fork and a brush And literally clean all the droppings and old hay and anything that's damp or wet Let me tell you It's not easy Once your barrow is fullYou wheel it around to the dung heap But even wheeling it is hard work And boy do I struggle Then You go to the very edge of the heap And tip the barrow over Emptying the contents over This also is not easy Having done that You go back to where the saw dust is Fill your barrow Wheel it back to the stableAnd tip it in for new bedding Then you brush it out And job done This week I've mostly been cleaning out Blue A real pet Once you have mucked out And presuming that you have any energy left You are assigned a horse And it's time to groom and tack him up So I get a grooming kit Put a head collar on the horse And tie him up I brush him down And pick out the dirt in his hooves I actually enjoy this part As you feel a connection with the horse I talk to them And it's just very enjoyable Grooming done It's time to tack him upI get Blues bridal and his saddle The bridal goes on first Then the saddle It's actually the equipment that I have been really struggling with I look at a bridal And all I see is a pile of leather straps and buckles It makes no sense to me at allThis is where Joanna is a great help As well as being very nice She is also a great teacher With endless patience So I get the bridal on And the saddle Before I know it It's time for our first lesson On Thursday There were five of us in the lessonI lead Blue in Adjust my stirrups and my girth I'm looking for the block to mount Blue But one of the girls encourages me to mount him without it I'm doubtful I can do it But I try And I do it!!I feel so happy that I actually did it!The lessons here are much different to the horse therapy I was doing I'm these lessons we get no breaks It's straight in to a trot And it's action stations for the whole hour Circles Little jumps Jumping position It's tough going You would think that sitting on a horse is easy peasy But make no mistake It's is a workout riding a horse Your legs You arms Your core They are all engaged and working hardMy buddy Blue is quite lazy He cuts corners Although that's my fault for letting himHe is a devil to get going And when he comes to a jump he stops dead and literally steps over itBut I still love him He looked after me wellAfter our first lesson We intact the horses Groom them again And put their rugs on The Grainne brought us in to the tack room And we had to take apart And put back together a bridal Boy did I struggle But with help I got it done I was totally confused though I know I wouldn't be able to go that again After that It was lunch time Do we headed upstairs to relax for a hour Last week I bought a thermos flask So I can have hot tea all day What a great buy it was During lunch I began to struggle Our group in small But there are some really big personalities And I really don't feel like I am fitting in I feel like I am an outsider And yes I know I'm still very new And these people all know each other a lot longer I have really made an effort to talk to them But I am getting precious little back It's come to the point that I am just doing my own thing I'm not going to go out of my way to fit in I won't set myself on fire to keep someone else warm There are a couple of girls my age And I get on well with them So I'm not going to worry about the rest They are in a clique And I don't need to be part of it I can do my own little thingBut during lunch on Thursday I felt so left out That I could feel tears stinging my eyes I texted my MamAnd she texted me back such a lovely text that I had to fight back the tears I just wanted to go home And the day felt endless After lunch We groomed and tacked the horses again And had our second lesson Holy shit did I struggle I literally had no puff left in me Everything hurt And Blue was hard work bless himThere were time when I thought I was going to have to stop But I pushed through And got through the lesson Then we untracked the horses And gave them a quick groom I swear I was so glad to see the end of that day I got the bus home Stinking of horse shit I got home And I was in serious agony from all my exertions My legs were seriously sore I lay on the couch with a hot water bottle trying to get comfortable And went to bed early 
YesterdayI have to admit I was dreading the day I got in to town early And was so very tempted to ring in sickI just couldn't face another day of hard work and feeling left out of the group But I figured that I only had a half day And I would probably regret it if I didn't go inWe arrived to the stables Gathered in the classroom And Grainne had a test waiting for us I actually surprised myself with how much I had learned in the past two weeks And I didn't do half badThen it was time to muck out Groom And tack I was assigned a different horse today A beautiful boy called ArrowWho was a it bigger than Blue I felt a bit more comfortable and confident with the tack today I'm slowly but surely getting the hang of it We headed in to the arena And again I managed to mount Arrow without the block I can't tell you how good it feels to do that I felt like a proper horse rider Straight away Arrow felt quicker And more forward than BlueHe felt great though When it was my turn to trot on my own I obviously gave Arrow too much of a kick And he shot off in to a canter I loved it!It was a real buzzBut I guess I learned that I don't need to be so hard kicking him onAgain though I struggled to get through the lesson And felt so exhausted But It eventually came to an end I untacked Arrow And gave him another quick groom And put his rug on Then we practised doing tail bandages on the horses tail Which you do when the horse is travelling Then Before I knew it It was lunch time And the day was over I can't tell you how relieved I was to finish this week I also have Monday off So I have an extra day to recharge my batteries We got the bus back in to town And I met my Mam Before heading home I was literally sweating bullets So the first thing I did when I got home was have a hot shower To wash off what was a really tough week Then I had to go to the doctor and collect my meds 
I must admit This week I really had to ask myself the question Is this for me?Am I enjoying this?And what are my options after the course?I'm 35 Am I starting off too late?Am I doing the wrong thing?I spoke to my MamAnd she made the point that I lost a lot of years to addiction and my EDI have had to work my ass off to get t the point where most people start offAnd also the physicality of the work is kicking my assMy body is still recovering And I'm not as strong as the others AlsoI know that I am losing weight I can feel it And it's not they I'm trying It's that I am going do much hard work So I know I need to be careful As if I continue to lose weight I'll never be able to do this course But look I had a tough couple of days An the fact that I don't feel part of the group is getting to me However I'm not giving up just yet I will give the course a proper goI am giving it my best though And that's all I can do
Thanks for sticking with me guys I know I haven't been the best blogger recently Life has been shooting forward faster than I can keep up with it But hopefully I will get used to it I truly hope you are all doing okYou are never far from my thoughts