Way Back When.... Part 2

Where was I?Oh yesI had spent two weeks in hospital And was being moved to the local psychiatric hospital I really didn't want to goBut what was the alternative?Go home and continue on my path of self  destruction?Again I didn't have the energy to put up a fightSo on the Sunday eveningAfter tea (Scrambled eggs and toast if you are interested)I packed my little bagAnd my father came to take me on the short trip to the hospitalIt was a menacing looking place I didn't have a good feeling about it at allAll I could hope is that I wouldn't be there very long We were ushered inAnd left to wait in an office for what felt like hours Mid waitA student nurse and a patient came in and used the weighing scales in the corner of the room The patient was talking a mile a minuteAnd when she saw me, she said'Don't worry young one, they'll feed you up in here, you'll be fine'I was too scared to say anythingI just wanted to run out of the building and away from this place and these people
Eventually I was officially admittedI was given a little room of my own I was so glad I wasn't sharing a roomThen I ventured up to the smoking roomThere were a few women sitting in there I walked over And asked for a light A girl with a shaved head stood up and stuck out her hand to me I shook it She was also talking at great speedThere were a few characters All chain smoking and drinking tea There was a group Huddled over by the windowAnd a couple of women sitting on their own at the side Strangely I didn't feel afraid anymore Girl with the shaved head took me under her wing To me she seemed the most sane out of everyone But that didn't last longIt was when she started telling me that she had no asshole that I realised that she wasn't quite as sane as I thought
Everyone commented on my weight It seemed that this was a place where everyone said exactly what they thoughtAnd again I got the feeling that staff didn't quite know what to do with meThey did lay down some ground rules for me though I had to be escorted to the bathroomI couldn't go to the bathroom for an hour after eating And after eating I had to lie down in my room for an hour I rarely kept to the rules though And I refused to have someone escort me to the bathroom I did lie down after meals thoughBut then started the disgusting habit of purging in to plastic bags and hiding them in my wardrobeI would lie on my bed at nightThere was a a small window in the door of my roomSometimes I would look upAnd there would be two eyes staring in the window I put my head under the coversAnd pretended that I was at home
There were so many characters in the hospitalThere was the hospital bullyThe same woman who weighed herself when I was waiting to be admitted She was loud and brashAnd insisted she was only in hospital to get dental work done She preyed on the more vulnerable patients Although she left me alone Probably because I had family and friends in every day Some patients had no body I remember being at dinner one day The bully ordered one of the more quiet women to get her something I piped up and said no get it yourself She wasn't used to people standing up to her 
There was the woman with severe mental and physical who lived in the hospitalShe would howl in the nightShe must've been in such distressThe staff were pretty awful to herI heard one asking another if this woman took sugar in her teaThe other staff member replied that 'it didn't matter'I can clearly remember thinking that I'm sure it matters to the woman whether there is sugar in her tea or not
There was the English girl Who barely spoke a wordShe had a personify disorderAnd thought she was Angelina JolieShe had been admitted after trying to take out money out of the bank in the actresses nameThe bank called the policeAnd she was brought to the hospitalShe had a boyfriend that called up to her every evening They had met in hospital They sat wrapped around each otherThe staff constantly telling them to stopThen at Christmas The boyfriend arrived up to the hospital dressed in a tuxedo with a flower in his hand He came in to the smoking room Got down on one knee And proposed to AngelinaIt was surreal to say the least
There were many others The girl who had post part in depressionAnd sat in the corner knitting all dayShe was a nurse tooAnd the staff were lovely to herThere was the girl who every time she went out, she brought the TV remote control with herThat used to drive me mad!There was the petite blonde from Dublin who had repeatedly tried to kill herself Then there was the lady who I saw in the doctors yesterdayShe was admitted just before Christmas She had three kids And a husband who was not very nice to herI remember the day we put up the Christmas decorationsThis lady dressed the tree so beautifullyShe also used to help in the kitchen She seemed to like to be busyShe was quiet Gentle Really pretty When I saw her yesterday She had gained a lot of weightNo doubt from the olanzapine she was malmost definitely onThe doctors seemed to put everyone on itAnd a lot of people in that hospital were very over weight But seeing this lady yesterday brought back a lot of memories So I guess that's why I'm writing these posts It was eight years ago now 
I remember the staff and patients has Christmas dinner There was a fizzy Apple drink on the tableAnd I remember some of the patients thought it was wineI remember going home for Christmas And my sister and mother dropping me back to the hospital two days laterI remember looking out the window They were both in tears in each other's arms It broke my heart 
After Christmas I got word that a place in treatment had become available for meI went home the night before I left That was the worst time I can remember in my ED history Thankfully That is all in the past And hopefully it will stay there