V is for Voyeurism!

Part of an ED that can be very sick and twistedIs other people wanting to see the skeletal body of the suffererPeople like to be shocked  To me it's voyeurismLike when you pass a car crashYou can't help but lookI was contacted by a media company a few weeks agoThey asked if they could have an informal chat with me over the phoneAnd I agreed So they rangAnd we had a conversationBut straight away I felt some red flags popping upShe wanted to my lowest weightSmallest clothes sizeAnd seemed very interested in the numbers But then people always are So I didn't think too much about itThen they asked for some photos of me when I was underweight I really needed to think about that one I don't have photos of me at my lowest weightBut I do have photos of me over the years underweight I also have a few photos of me in my underwear Which my brothers girlfriend tookBut they are very personal photos And I didn't feel comfortable sharing themI did however find some photos that I felt ok sharing And sent them to the media company yesterday They got back to me this morning And said the photos aren't suitable That they want to see more of my body And could I send some more explicit photos That right there was enough for me to worryLike typical mediaThey wanted the photos to shockTo sensationalise my disorder They want to see emaciated bodies Pointy bonesAnd sharp angles Which I can understand People are curiousThey want to know what drives someone to starve themselves in to emaciationThe girl from the media company emailed me backAnd told me that they need some photos to show how ill I was To contrast with how well I am now To be honest The girl from the company seems lovely And ha said many times if I don't feel comfortable doing this I can pull out at any time So I really don't know what to doI don't want to be exploitedI don't want to be usedI don't want to be put in a vulnerable positionWhere I leave myself exposedBut at the same time It is a good opportunity to spread awareness And a message of hope It's a tricky one I emailed the girl back And told her thdt I need s couple of days to think about it I will speak to Mary about it on Thursday I know this is typical media Wanting the shock factor Something for their readers to gasp atAnd to read more It seems to me that people ate fascinated with EDsThey want to see the lengths we go to for our illnessThey want to see us wasting awayThey pity us Which I hate Because I don't want your pity I don't want your sympathy It's hard enough to live with an ED without you getting your kicks out of looking at my underweight body I'm not a victimI'm a survivor Have you ever experienced this?