Dianelaneyfitzpatrick

LATEST ARTICLES ( 307 )

• I'm New in Town So Naturally I Wanted to Spend the Day at the DMV

  

  I had such high hopes. My hopes were as high as Coit Tower. My hopes were higher than the hill I have to walk up to take my dog to the park (which is high,... Read more

  Posted on 21 July 2013 HUMOR

• New Girl Hair Issues

  

  For a self-proclaimed moving expert I’m kind of a dumbass. Once again, I forgot the worst thing about moving: finding a new hair person. Read more

  Posted on 13 July 2013 HUMOR

• People to See, Places to Go, Butterflies to Save

  

  I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, and like most people, the more I have to do the less willing I am to actually do even a tiny bit of it. If I have 30 thing... Read more

  Posted on 05 July 2013 HUMOR

• How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take to Change Your Life?

  

  When I walked into my house for the first time as its new co-owner, I was so relieved that it had been cleaned I gave a little yip. Read more

  Posted on 28 June 2013 HUMOR

• This Isn't HGTV, Missy

  

  I don’t think it’s a secret anymore that my husband loves HGTV. His happiest moment of any given day is when he flips on the TV and that channel is still on fro... Read more

  Posted on 11 April 2013 HUMOR

• Hello, City Life!

  

  I’m trying like the dickens to live the life of Lisa Douglas before she chose chores over stores in Green Acres. But real life and 50 years of America’s urban... Read more

  Posted on 05 April 2013 HUMOR

• Rocking the Temporary Life

  Move #2 of 4 is done and I'm as settled as I'm going to be in a temporary apartment in San Francisco. There's a reason I devoted a whole chapter of my book on... Read more

  Posted on 28 March 2013 HUMOR

• When Perfect Timing is Actually the Worst Timing

  Whose idea was it to put out a book on moving at the exact same time that I'm moving? This ranks up there with My Permed Bangs Calamity of 1984 in decisions I'v... Read more

  Posted on 25 March 2013 HUMOR

• Movecation Recommended

  

  As a self-proclaimed moving expert, I will now update my moving advice to include the following: "Never . . . " Wait. "Always . . . take a vacation approximatel... Read more

  Posted on 18 March 2013 HUMOR

• Switching Gears

  

  And since this might be the last chance I get to run a photo that has nothing to do with anything, here’s a funny one. Even though I know those kids didn’t writ... Read more

  Posted on 06 March 2013 HUMOR

• KISS and Make Up

  

  Have you ever been to Sephora or Mac or a department store makeup counter and seen a woman sitting in a highchair getting her makeup done? What an idiot. Right? Read more

  Posted on 20 February 2013 HUMOR

• Cuts Like a Knife and Not in the Sexy Bryan Adams Way

  

  I want it to be known that I have shown great restraint in waiting until today, Wednesday, Feb. 6, to blog about my husband’s stitches, which happened on... Read more

  Posted on 06 February 2013 HUMOR

• Trouble in Candy Land: The Rise and Fall of the Heath Bar

  

  I’ve been proven wrong again and I’m starting to doubt my own inarguable authority on popular culture topics. I had read somewhere that Heath bars were made by ... Read more

  Posted on 28 January 2013 HUMOR, SATIRE

• It's Not Easy Being Bottle Green

  

  And when I say not easy I mean that in the most First World, pompous ass kind of way. I know, I shouldn’t say that anything about my life isn’t easy when there... Read more

  Posted on 22 January 2013 HUMOR

• The Clicker is the Kicker

  

  Yesterday was the first day of dog school for me. Not for my dog, but just for me. Unlike real school, parent’s night is a week before the school term starts. Read more

  Posted on 17 January 2013 HUMOR

• Masseur Me!

  

  Am I the only middle-aged woman in America that is just now realizing how good it feels to get a back rub from a stranger? I used to say I wasn’t the massage... Read more

  Posted on 14 January 2013 HUMOR

• Hotel Shampoo? Yes, Please

  

  I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm having some great hair days on a vacation. I would count my blessings, but I'm too busy trying... Read more

  Posted on 08 January 2013 HUMOR

• So Matt's Big Breakfast It Is

  

  I was on a plane to Phoenix yesterday, reading magazines because if we had turned on our iPads to do any 21st-century-method reading we might have brought the... Read more

  Posted on 05 January 2013 HUMOR

• Busted by a Mannequin

  

  Thanks to my friend Lynn, who sent me a link to this story, my relationship with mannequins is completely deteriorated. If you’re too lazy to click on the link... Read more

  Posted on 02 January 2013 HUMOR

• If My Dog Were a Person

  

  She would be a thumb sucker and have a pacifier and chew gum and chew on her pencils and smoke. And snuff wouldn’t surprise me either. She’s the most orally... Read more

  Posted on 30 December 2012 HUMOR