LGBTQ Magazine

Update On Life

By Valeriem @Wont_Submit

Last night it was actually properly cold outside, meaning I was shivering in shorts and a t-shirt. It made me think, hey, I am going to have to start thinking of more indoor stuff to do! And voilà, here I am. :)

I’ve been working about 170 hours a month since starting my security job. It’s shift work, which just means you’re tired on your days off too, lol. I cope better with the graveyards than a lot of the guards, but I can’t say I like it. Afternoons are better. The place I’m working now is very quiet; the one before had a lot more drama and dealings with the cops, but I was reassigned due to the lesbophobia of a couple of people there. The new place has the exact same dynamic, but here the site director actually understands what’s going on, so I don’t end up getting blamed for such people’s hatred of me. My old site director was a very nice woman, but she had only had one other Lesbian on staff at her site, and that Lesbian was quite feminine – so she (the site director) was not able to understand why I was having a different experience.

On that subject, as far as I can tell every single straight person in this town, gay men, and most Lesbians too, think I’m Butch. I have learned to be very careful who I protest that to, ie., not straight people. If I say to straight people ‘Actually, I’m not Butch, I’m a dykey fem’ what I get in return is a pitying look, because they actually think I want to be seen as pretty by them and am, deep down, upset at my ‘failure’ to be more feminine. I’m worried that does even more damage – maybe I will do a voting post and discussion about that. Not that the conversation even comes up a lot, but still. They’re just clueless!

I have a girlfriend I’m pretty serious about. Her name is Mina (on here). For the first time, the way I feel about someone is making me want to sleep with other women less, whereas before her, those two things seemed completely independent of one another. I can’t say much more about her at the moment because of her situation. Sorry to be mysterious but I will have to leave it at that for the time being!

It’s been six months since I lived with my son. He and my male ex are still trying to move to Toronto, but jobs are scarce in this economy, so no luck, Too bad; I saw a perfect apartment for them recently, but I know it’ll be snapped up, so I guess that one is not to be.

My mom and I are up and down again. She can’t seem to stop herself, in the heat of the moment, saying something very anti-Lesbian and she continues to fawn over my male ex and son while I can, apparently, go fuck myself. I have been pulling back lately as I am just so tired of it.

I’m still loving my apartment! The only downside is I have a weird neighbour who keeps vandalizing my bike. It’s basically unrideable at this point, which pisses me off because it’s my only form of transportation besides the TTC, and it means I have to go to the gym more if I am not riding it, which is kind of inefficient in the summer. Don’t get me started on the douchiness of a straight woman vandalizing a Lesbian’s bike, particularly when that Lesbian makes so little money. Oh well, she has conflict with pretty much everyone in the neighbourhood. It’s certainly not just me, and the landlords have been trying to get rid of her forever.

I installed a chin up bar in the doorway to my kitchen, so that is going fairly well. Once my ex’s stuff isn’t being stored here anymore and the lively spartan-ness of the place is restored, I might get a few weights – we’ll see. I can’t really do enough for my crap knees at home, so I have to go to the gym anyway. No point in cluttering the place up.

I think I’m rambling now, so I’ll sign off, but hello again!

Val xoxo

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog