In some cases, your behavior will be such that you are turning off large numbers of people most places you go. I have gone through some phases like this. Honestly, I was suffering from an anxiety disorder at the time, but boy did it make people hate me. If lots and lots of people are hating you everywhere you go, you should be able to piece together some sort of a reason.
For one reason, when that many people start hating you, a lot of your haters are going to be basically good, decent people who you have driven off for some reason. Good people like this don’t like to hate people, so if you turn them off, they will often tell you why. The problem is that they almost never come right out and say it. They will tell you what you are doing wrong, how you are turning them off, but they will only say so by hinting around in very roundabout ways.
If you are good at reading minds, you might also be able to figure it out. If you have good self-awareness, you can monitor your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and note when you set people off.
This is harder to do with your thoughts, but I have gotten to where I can literally tell that I am turning people off with my thoughts. Then you can figure out exactly which thought patterns it is that ” make people mad. “I upset people when I have X particular thoughts” or “I upset people when I start thinking in X particular manner.”
If you monitor your feelings, you can do the same thing. “I notice when I feel X way, people don’t like it.”
Behaviors are much easier, but you have to figure out exactly which of your behaviors turned someone off, and it’s often not so simple. Someone might be mad at you for something you did six hours ago, or even yesterday.
In order to do this, you need to have excellent consciousness of your own thoughts, feelings and even behaviors. I doubt if most people do and even if they do, they’re probably too insecure to admit they are wrong.
These situations are exceptions to the Hater’s Rule. These people are not Essential Haters. Essential Haters hate you deep down inside and there’s rarely anything you can do about it. These people are lost to you and you need to ghost them.
But when you are seriously screwing up in life as I was when I was ill, you are going to get a lot of Situational Haters. They don’t really hate you at your essence. Instead they hate some particular thoughts, feelings or behaviors you are engaging in. These people can actually be brought back around, believe it or not. If you can stop the thoughts, feelings or behaviors that bother them, most of these people will forget about what you did to make them mad and they will indeed come back. You can make friends or acquaintances with them.
This is because these people were not comfortable hating you in the first place. They didn’t hate you at your core, they simply disliked some of your behaviors. People who only dislike your behaviors and not your core tend to be better people. They think of themselves as nice people and they don’t like to hate others. Your behaviors are making them mad, and this makes them upset because as good people, it feels bad to hate someone for some silly behaviors. Deep down they wish you would stop doing whatever you are doing and start acting better so they could like you as they wish to do.
It’s important to figure out how many people hate you, where, and when. There’s lots of people who hate me on the Net but not a whole lot in real life. This is because contrary to my Net haters, I am actually a pretty decent guy who is friendly and acts quite normal most of the time. This means that these people hate me just for some crap I am writing and that there is nothing wrong with my core as a person. If I was as awful as my Net haters say, just as many people who hate me in Meatspace as on the Net.
If most people more or less like you or are indifferent to you but you have a few haters, you are probably doing ok. I am constantly monitoring my behavior everyone I go to see what affect I am having on people. This means that I can figure out when some particular behavior of mine made upset someone because I am looking for things like that all the time. People who are indifferent to you don’t really hate you. They don’t care enough about you to hate you. Most people are pretty indifferent to most people they meet. Indifference isn’t hate. They’re two different things.
However, if you are starting to turn off lots of people everywhere you go in life, no e exceptions as has been the case a few times in my life, you really need to look at whatever you are thinking, feeling or behaving that is making people mad.
It’s not possible to be a normal, decent, friendly and nice person and still have most of the world hate you. This is the view of the paranoid. Most people are not that evil. In other words, if you are making people dislike or hate you everywhere you go, you are probably doing something wrong or there is something wrong with you. Some deformed people elicit reactions of hate everywhere they go, but it is not due to changeable behavior. Instead it’s due to their deformity. Still there’s something wrong with them. Bottom line is if too many people are hating you too much of the time, there is something wrong with either you or your behavior and you need to look into that.
