Trying hard to relax? You may want to think about stopping for a moment. Consider instead that forcing yourself to relax will rarely ever work, simply because relaxation is a a letting go…a release. To force relaxation is actually the opposite of what relaxation is all about. You have to allow it, rather than demand it. Instead of struggling against stressful emotions like fear, anxiety and anger…allow them to pass through. All too often, without meaning to, we hang on tightly to our emotions with the stories we tell ourselves. Put those stress-inducing stories down and let them go. Become aware of what you are saying to yourself, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, let it be what it is and let it pass. Be mindful of your thoughts. Let your story move from a story of fear and upset to a story of release and triumph. From “Oh no, this is terrible! I can’t do this!” to “It’s all right. In time, I will figure this out.” Breathe deeply, as if you are breathing in and out through your heart, then between your brows, and finally through the top of your head. Gently let go of your upset with each breath. Don’t push it away forcefully. Just breathe it out as if each breath is softly sweeping away the stress from your mind and from your heart. Tell yourself you will figure it out, even if you haven’t come up with the solution just yet. Focus on the present moment and what you can control right now. Put your mind where you want it to be. Meditate, go outside, move your body, sing your favorite song, call your favorite friend, cook your favorite meal, do anything that pleasantly absorbs your attention… Honor yourself for being human, with a full set of human emotions, as well as an amazing ability to be resilient and to pass through difficulty if you just allow it. Then smile to yourself, knowing that you’ve just cleared a space for that inner voice inside you to speak your answers freely…
Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.
