This is the last in what will hereafter been known as the “egg trilogy” of posts. I blogged about my experience getting eggs thrown at me, and then I blogged about being accused of lying about the egg incident. In both cases I’ve received an outpouring of support that I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate. I want to first and foremost thank every person who sent a supportive comment or e-mail, who shared the story on their Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr etc. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.
Among the responses were some that were pretty highly problematic that I wanted to talk about. I want to be clear that if one of these sounds like something that you wrote, and you wrote your comment with good intentions, I absolutely appreciate your intentions, I’ve certainly said things with the best of intentions that I later learned were problematic, and so I just ask that you think about what I’ve written here.
It’s not cause you’re fat!
Example: So, although they did yell “HEY FAT BITCH” I wouldn’t take this as hatred against overweight women, just stupid teenagers.
First of all, as I said a couple times in my blog they were adult men. Even if they were stupid teenagers, they were stupid teenagers committing hatred against fat women and the way that you know that is they yelled “HEY FAT BITCH” at me.
But other people get eggs thrown at them!
Example: I’m a white male and I’ve had eggs thrown at me, this wasn’t because you were fat.
No, it was still because I was fat. The fact that other people have had eggs thrown at them for other reasons, while completely egregious, does not negate the fact that they threw eggs at me because I was fat. People are targeted for all kinds of reasons and none of those reasons negate the other reasons.
They would have thrown eggs at you no matter what!
Example: If you had long hair they would have yelled “LONG HAIRED BITCH” being fat had nothing to do with it.
They threw eggs at me and yelled FAT BITCH, so being fat had at least something to do with it. In fact I do have long hair, and yet they chose to yell FAT BITCH. They passed a bunch of people before they got to me who they did not choose to throw eggs at. I have not heard of the National War on Long Haired People. Long haired people aren’t used as metaphors for everything from greed to laziness. Imagine the reaction of the general public to me saying “I love that I have long hair.” Now imagine the reaction to me saying “I love that I’m fat.” It’s possible that someone has had eggs thrown at them because they have long hair, but that doesn’t change the fact that the bullying of fat people is institutionalized and this is an example of it.
Are you starting to see the trend here? It’s another way that, whether intentionally or unintentionally, fat people become oppressed and our experiences get erased. When we share our experiences of oppression, stigma, bashing etc., people who either don’t want to believe that it happens, or don’t want to think about it happening, are blind to the fact that it happens because it doesn’t happen to them, want to play the Oppression Olympics, or want to minimize it for some other reason, try to use some magic bullshit fairy dust to erase those experiences or explain them away as anything but what they are. Fat shaming/bashing/stigmatizing? No, no surely not. It’s not about your fat – it’s about your health, it’s about stupid teenagers, it’s about people being mean blah blah blah.
Just Be Nice!
Example: By talking about this and accusing them of hate you are hating them right back. Practice tolerance and live in the love – that is how we can end hate.
Um, no. I don’t have to tolerate fat bashing like it’s some quirky next door neighbor, and i believe that being silent about bullying means that bullies get to bully with no consequences. Others are welcome to make this choice but do not try tell me how to deal with shit that happens to me.
Hey, I’m missing the point.
Example: That is so awful that they called you fat, what’s wrong with people!?
I have no problem being called fat as I am, in point of fact, fat. The issue wasn’t being called fat (or even being called bitch). I was more concerned with the flying eggs, the fact that they were not using fat as a neutral descriptor came in a very, very distant second.
Maybe You’re the Problem?
Example: It just seems from reading your blog that a lot of bad stuff happens to you
It doesn’t just happen to me, it happens to lots of fat people. I write about it on this blog which you read. If every fat person kept a blog many, many of them would be filled with stories like this. Also, I’m out in the public a lot as a dancer and now doing this marathon training so it gives people more chances. I will say I think that many people who aren’t fat can’t conceptualize the sheer amount of bullshit that we deal with on an everyday basis. A lot of that ignorance comes from not recognizing fat bullying when they see it, or trying to explain it away as noted above.
…But you’re a good fatty!
Example: “They should known better than to throw eggs at someone who is trying to be fit.”
The good fatty/bad fatty dichotomy is the mistaken idea that fat people who do whatever the person making the judgment thinks are the “right” things to do (in this case exercising) are “good fatties” and are less deserving of shame and stigma than “bad fatties” who aren’t doing that thing. The good fatty/bad fatty dichotomy needs to die. They should know better than to throw eggs at anyone, there is no circumstance that justifies throwing eggs at random strangers from your car. If I was sitting on the corner drinking a cheesecake milkshake through a licorice straw immediately after having polished off a bag of burgers and fries and 10 gallons of Mountain Dew wearing a shirt that says “fuck exercise,” they should still not throw eggs at me.
In the world that we live in people are often encouraged to stereotype fat people and, evidence notwithstanding, blame us for everything from global warming to healthcare costs. This never ending game of “What can we blame the fatties for next” creates an environment where first blame, then hate, then mistreat us, then excuse it away. I don’t think that we can afford to let that happen in silence – I think that as a fat person it’s important to speak out about the poor treatment that we receive. and refuse to let it be erased or silenced. Stand Up. Speak Up. Fight Back.
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