To Tramadol Or Not to Tramadol.....

Monday morning And back to the usual routine Saw my doctor first thing He asked about painI said that had a little bit He checked my abdomen To see where the pain wasAnd prescribed a medication for ulcersI can't lie I was so tempted to ask for Tramadol I really was But I didn't I figured why make life difficult for myself A relapse is a slippery slopeWhy invite that kind of shit in to my life?I need to be awake As my mother needs meSo I resisted To distract myself I asked if I could weigh myself I had no clue what my weight was As I have no scale at home And hospital and being sick always messed with my weightSo I'm down about a kilo since the last time I weighed And just a bit lower than my target weight in hospital So I am happy enough with thatWellAs happy as a person with an ED can be with their weightAnyway I have bigger fish to fry 
My course was cancelled todaySo I find myself at a loose endAlthough it's nice to have a few hours to myself Oh I must give you an update on the lunatic driver That tried to ruin the Darkness into Light walkAfter he ploughed in to the crowd He actually hit one personWho suffered minor injuries Not long after The mini was found in a ditchThe driver had been drinking all dayAnd was out of his mind I hope they lock him upWhat a really horrible things to doTo try and scare the shit out of hundreds of people Who are trying to do something good But He didn't succeed in ruining it for us In fact This year was the most enjoyable Darkness into Light walk to date 
So things are ticking along nicely at the moment Apart from my little holiday on Tramadol last weekI am doing just fine I know if I continued to take the TramadolI would be hooked before I knew itAnd I'm supposed to be caring for my mother for the next few weeks I can't do that if I am out of my headIt can happen so quickly and so sneakily though They say while you are in recovery Your addiction is doing press ups Getting stronger While I was in hospital I took advantage of their liberal prescribing ways I asked for sleeping tablets Which I got And didn't really need I asked for more painkillers Which I also got I know I can be manipulative I can play peopleBut I didn't want to bother my doctor this morning And also Things are going so well at the moment It would be such a shame if I relapsed again I'm just not willing the let that happen
In other news I got word that my prospective employer rang my two references So I'm thinking that's a good signThey both gave me a glowing report Which I am so grateful for Given my history There aren't a lot of people who I can get a good character reference But the two I have are pretty solid One is my elderly neighbour Who I help out a lot And the other is the owner of the little pizzeria I used to work inSo hopefully I will be offered this job I will most definitely take it if I am
I will be back horse riding Again this week And I can't wait to get back on the saddle To see Star And to see everyone else I missed it do much last week So it's great to get back to it That's where I get my kicks these daysSo no I don't need external substances to make me feel good I can look inside myself Use my own reserves And be strong I don't need drugs I don't need to escape I can do this I can live in reality And heckI might even enjoy it!Thanks for your concern after my last post And you are right I probably should never have been prescribed it at all But That's ok I will get through it
Right I'm off to make lunch for MamSee you on the next post....