Community Magazine

This Girl

By Rubytuesday

This Girl
This Girl
This girl is Ruby
This girl is 33
This girl lives with her mother and sister
This girl has two dogs
She is the youngest of four
This girl loves to write
To dance
And to swim
She loves her dogs and her family more than anything 
How ever
This girl is flawed
She has made a lot of mistakes
She has come through drug addiction
And anorexia/bulimia
She relapsed recently on drugs
She made many mistakes
Hurt everyone she holds dear to her
She is trying to make it right 
But saying sorry only goes so far
She needs to show people she wants to get back on track
This girl struggles every day 
To stay clean and sober
Not to binge and purge
She battles her demons constantly
Torn between what her addiction wants her to do
And what she wants to do
This girl has always been told that she has potential
But what does that mean?
That she could do something great
This girls confidence is perpetually low
Her self esteem is non existent
She needs to be told by others that she is doing ok
Because telling herself isn't enough
This girl is battling self hatred
She never knew it was possible to hate herself so much
She thinks she is a bad person
She is convinced that she is nothing more than a manipulative devious addict
Recent events have proved this theory right
This girl hates her body too
She thinks she is over weight
Even though the scales tell her otherwise 
This girl is paralysed by fear
Crippled by anxiety
This girl is on many meds
Sometimes she feels they are the only things holding her together 
For a long time this girl wanted to disappear
She didn't care if she lived or died
But now this girl wants to live
She wants to survive
She wants to experience love and laughter and joy
She wants to move on with her life
She doesn't want to be reliant on drugs for the rest of her life
She wants to pursue her education
She wants to work
She wants to have a social life
A boyfriend
This girl wants to help others through her own experiences
She wants to use her past as a motivator to get well
This girl wants to be a good person 
She wants to be better in every area of her life
She is hopeful
She is positive
She is taking baby steps every day
This girl believes in a better life 

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