So, today I was reading about reaching for things in my life with a different kind of strength and reaching for things that are unshakable. It’s almost the end of the year, and I am finding solace in my word I chose for the year 2013: Selfless.(Click this link to read more about the journey.)
I haven’t written about it yet, but here, I reclaimed my “loyal soldier” when I went to a retreat called “Let Your Soul Speak.” (The picture can be viewed of this beautiful landscape above, where I sought refuge earlier this fall.)
In essence, I decided to stop warring for things that were already won, and to not put energies any longer in things that sapped my strength and depleted my calling in indeterminable ways.
So this caused me to seek a different kind of discipline from God. I have sought God about discipline in this season of my life. I am not perfect in this area of my life, by any means. And this year was a true test of character.
As I look back on my selfless journey, I found myself not only seeking out a greater discipline, but also seeking out new relationships that are emotionally and mentally sound and safe. This hasn’t been my pattern in the past. Places where I can find refuge when I become weary, as a leader. And because i often lead, in several capacities, I have to be especially careful in this manner. I am so aware now of what this looks like. It makes me wonder what the heck I was really doing before this season, then….hmmm.
And so it begins.. my reflection of 2013… I tell you, this year was Selfless, indeed. A few instances this year broke my heart, yet the biggest breaking was at the end of the summer, when my daughter (by fostering) decided she did not desire to be adopted. I tried to embrace the hurt, because it wasn’t so much her decision, nor the situation, that hurt me and called me back to myself. It was more the lack of support that was not given around her decision, so she would have a team around her encouraging her to make the best decision possible. I knew when this year started and I picked the word “selfless”, as word for the year I was going to face something very challenging. I did not know that it would be one of my greatest dreams. That I would be challenged in such a way that it would be unmeasurably hard for my emotions and mental well being to handle. I am extremely grateful for this year. I learned so much about myself and my capacity to deal with things I cannot control. I am learning to conduct myself in such a way that I am beginning to model a different kind of strength.
Hebrews 12:5-9, 12 was staring me in the face, today.
“…My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t give up when he corrects you.
For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
I often tend to think God’s a bit hard on me. Yet I know everyone who lives in a very good place either has discipline, or they don’t. I actually WANT AND NEED MORE DISCIPLINE. Why? Perhaps because I want to live with more JOY in my life. I believe most things in the kingdom of God require hard work and effort. They also require of us a surrendering; which involves noticing and walking un the grace God provides. No one wants to talk about that, of course. We tend to refrain from desiring the best, and settle for less, because we don;t desire to put forth our best effort. It is always best to be on God’s good side. I never want to be punished by God. It’s not a very comfy place to be. The funny thing is though, because God is ever- merciful, he only has a good side. As I read on, I found that God’s side, period involves being in a place of “unshakable-ness.” And that IS God’s good side.
“… God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees.
I am not sure I strive enough to be holy, although… it’s a perfect place to be in God, because you have a different kind of resilience, when you are walking in this type of righteousness. Things that normally are challenging for you, are things you manage to conquer with a certain ease and supernatural strength. Yet the really cool thing about being strong in God, is that He strengthens us FOR OTHERS. This version of scripture exhorts us to take a ’new grip with our tired hands’.… hmmm… I guess that means God acknowledges that we my have a hard time and get weary, but He encourages at that point to strengthen ourselves, because there is MORE inside of us. How does he know? Well, not just because He is all-knowing. It’s because He made us and ultimately He knows where our TRUE strength resides.
TRUE strength has reservoir. It runs deep. It’s a reason I blogged the ’I Am Enough Series’. God has nudged me over and over to write it, ( and although I have been a bit disobedient ); I find myself believing differently, when I do write - I have a different kind of courage and gain an entirely new perspective in the process of the tasks I undertake. I have been feeling lately like ‘scardy cat’ Gideon, in the Bible, lately – who runs from God and hides and is afraid; yet gains even more strength as he is turned down repeatedly when asked for food. And yet God calls him a mighty man of valor. He’s like “God, if I am so powerful, why has all this bad happened to me?’ And God answers:” Go with the strength you have…” Gideon had no clue what kind of strength He had, nor did he know the strength of the army he was called to lead. They were so powerful and so wise. Thankfully, I don’t need all these signs Gideon needed to prove he was in a prosperous place. (Read Judges 6-8)
Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.
The men with Gideon who approached drinking water differently, became his best warriors. Why? Because these men (or this team of men); had a different kind of reverence (or strength) when they approached difficulty or challenge. How they approached things when they were desperate and how they were in unison as a team was important. They had a different kind of strength and agility and these were the men God wanted Gideon to have in his army.
Hebrews 12 v.25, 26-29
Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking. … When God spoke from Mount Sinai his voice shook the earth, but now he makes another promise: “Once again I will shake not only the earth but the heavens also.” This means that all of creation will be shaken and removed, so that only unshakable things will remain.
” Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. For our God is a devouring fire.”
Holy fear should be our approach with God, when we feel as if we don’t have enough strength or approach challenges we feel inadequate to perform. We should go to God and approach God by asking for His input, His valor, His capacity and indisputable strength and hope that challenges us to reach for more in everything we do. let this be your prayer today in order to develop a different kind of intimacy with our Lord.
