I work as a counselor and for some reason mostly with clients who are all wrapped up in the idea that they are pedophiles, and I spend time every day talking to guys about this crap, so maybe that’s why it’s on my mind, as it wouldn’t be otherwise. The overwhelming majority of them are not pedophiles, and I have to convince them of this. A lot of this involves research into this question.
There is no shame in being a pedophile anyway, and I have worked with two pedophiles clinically so far.
With one guy, the main therapy consisted of trying to get him to not chop his dick off! That’s how bad he felt! He has contacted me again, and the poor fellow has a million problems. He knows what he is and he is going to go on anti-androgen drugs to kill his sex drive rather than take the chance. I don’t really like that idea but it’s his life.
When you have a rare client who is a pedophile, it is important to get them to feel good about their sexual orientation, as it’s not their fault they got wired up that way and there’s no way to fix them. Everyone deserves a rewarding sexual life in some way. If there is some interest in adults, cultivate that to the greatest extent possible to redirect away from the kid stuff, which should be blown off as unattainable.
There are a lot of issues around offending, but the two guys I worked with were apparently not offending and I didn’t even bring it up. They both had massive guilt about their sexual orientation and that had to go. There are groups online for pedophiles (Before You Act) that I highly recommend. In fact, a pedophile who corresponds with me is very active in that group and is not offending. Many or even most pedophiles may need to be in active therapy to keep them from offending, stay away from triggers and report any kids in their lives and what that is all about.
Deal with guilt and acceptance. Some of these guys just will not accept that they got wired up that way. They have to accept it and be ok with it, and I do not care what the consequences of that are. Acceptance is mandatory because there is no way to fix them.
Deal with self-hatred, shame, suicidality and desire for self-mutilation. It’s not uncommon but it’s not helpful as they’re not getting better.
Refocus: Ascertain to the greatest degree possible the sexual orientation of the client, all down to AOA. Find out if there is any attraction to matures, and then seek to redirect fantasy to that area and away from kids as an alternative. Also called Lovemap expansion.
Sexual fantasy is ok. I have guys tell me some pretty crazy kid stuff that was running around in their heads and they were getting off to it for real. It’s hard to say, “Wow, that’s great!” but you have to be nonjudgmental and let people think about whatever they want.
Offending: A big mess and I don’t deal with it. There are people who do though and redirect the person to those people.
Self-help: Discuss pedophile groups like B4U Act and see if they can join. Point out the consequences of offending.
There was guy on the web getting a PhD in Psychology and he said he wanted to work with pedophiles because they fascinated him. He was told that unless you work in a prison setting, you will hardly ever see a pedophile in a normal clinical setting. This is because almost all of them think there is nothing wrong with their condition. Many have stated that if there was a drug to cure it, they would not even take it because they love being a pedo so much. They are typically very happy about their orientation.
