The Publisher

My brother's second book launch was on last night
This time here in the town that I live
I wasn't particularly looking for forward to it as it meant having to socialise and I'm not great at that these days
But I made myself go and I was so glad that I did
I actually really enjoyed myself
Surprise, surprise!
It was a much smaller affair than Galway so maybe I felt a bit more comfortable
I managed to mingle
To chat with strangers
To smile
To laugh
I was able to forget about my ED for a couple of hours and just be Ruby
I had given a copy of the book to my doctor and to Mary as I know they are readers
Mary gave me a beautiful hand made card which he loved
I forgot how good it feels to be around people
Maybe I'm more sociable than I thought
I went for sneaky cigarettes with my brother's friend who I had a good laugh with
I wasn't anxious at all
Well I was before hand but isn't it always the way that these things are never as bad as we think they are going to be
Note to self: Remember that
I had seen my brother's publisher at the last launch
I bought books off him but didn't tell him who I was
My mother said I should tell him that I write and give him something to read
Part of me would love to do that but I just didn't have the confidence in myself or my writing
The publisher and I got got chatting on the way down to the pub after that launch
I don't remember how it came up but we got talking about Karen Carpenter
I have interest in her not only because she had an Ed but also her music
The publisher obviously really liked her
He spoke about her at great length and recommended a book about her called 'Little Girl Blue'
He also seemed to know a bit about ED's as he mentioned potassium levels in relation to her death
All the while he was speaking I wanted to  shout out 'Yes, I know, I know because I'm the same'
But I said nothing
The publisher is very over weight so I wondered of he has his own food issues
This led me to think that if he has an interest in ED's or food related problems, then maybe he would be interested in reading about them
Then maybe he would read other things that I've written
But I just couldn't bring myself to say anything
Now I'm sorry that I didn't
After all the worst thing he could have said is no
I really enjoyed talking to him though and maybe if I see him again I'll muster up the courage to day something
Is that a pipe dream though?
Am I kidding myself thinking that my writing is good enough to be published?
Am I living in La La Land
In this country we are practically taught not to think to much of ourselves
We talk ourselves down not up
And fear would you get too big for your boots, no one likes a big head you know
I guess I suffer from the thing that effects all creative types (am I even a creative type?)
Self doubt
I have barely been writing a year and I really know nothing about writing
I can write for hours about my ED but when it comes to writing about other things, I doubt my ability
I wasn't built to work a 9 - 5 desk job
I can't think of anything worse
I've been there, done that and hated every minute of it
I don't know if I'm meant to write but I do it because I love it
Because I need to
Because I want to
Because I need to get the constant stream of thoughts in my head out on paper
So I'm throwing the question over to you
Do you think I should approach this publisher?
If yes, then how do you think I should go about it?
Answers on a postcard please