The Love Triangle...

On my last post I revealed to you that I have a little crushI also told my Mum and sister Who are having a great time taking the piss out of meIt doesn't help that every time they say his name I can't help but grin like a Cheshire CatBut really and truly I don't think the guy in question likes me in that way I meanWe get on great And have a good laugh But I get the feeling it's just a friendship And also Apart from that I don't even know if he's single I don't think he's married But he could very well have a girlfriend So I guess I need to do a little investigating And find that out How I'm going to that I'm not quite sure I guess I ask in a round about kind of wayAnd just drop the question in generalBut as I said I don't think I am his cup of teaHe is so sensible and traditional That is say he's looking for a nice country girl A girl he can bring home to MamaAnd what with me having piercings and a shaved head I don't know if I would fit in to his world So I've kind of been keeping my distance the last couple of days I don't want to emotionally invest in something that's going to leave me mentally bankrupt But honestly I find it extremely difficult to know whether a gut likes me or not It's one thing getting on with someone But what happens to make you feel that you have feelings for a person?I have been single for almost ten years That's a long time And it guess you don't miss what you don't have So I am a bit rusty And out of practise But look It's fun just to have banter and chatIf nothing else happens I don't mind I just don't want to get hurtYou know?
NowHere's where it gets interesting You know the guy who I go horse riding with?WellHe's been texting me a lot I mean a lot He's always telling me that he's looking forward to seeing meAnd has started putting kisses on his texts I could be totally wrong here But I am getting the feeling that he might want to be my re than just friends He is such a nice guyAnd has been so good to me We get on great But that's where it stops for me I just don't have those kind of feelings for him In a way I wish I did As that would make life a lot easier But hey I can't force or fake my feelings And you know what? It's all fun It's all good craicAnd it's flattering to think that someone might like me Isn't it typical though The guy I like may not be available And the guy that likes me I have no feelings for 
In other news I saw Breda this morning Who is my addiction counsellor It was great to be able to tell her how well things are going She said I look so much more relaxed and at ease And I feel it too I guess because I am dealing with people all day My confidence and self esteem are growing stronger every day I also saw my doctor We chatted about tennis and soccer before he asked me about reducing my methadone I said thank but noSo he said he would reduce it next week I guess I'm feeling not so dependant on my meds anymore The days that I work I don't take my meds until I get homeAnd sometimes o even forget to take them This a big change for me The girl whose life depended on those drugs so much Mentally and physically Do I don't feel as afraid as I did about reducing them 
Because I worked for one of the girls last week I am now off work until Friday Happy days!I worked 30 hours last weekSo a break is most welcome This week I'm going to catch up on blogs Write a lot Go horse riding And generally take it easy Life is good though I'm actually enjoying being alive at the moment And being a human being I know that sounds weird But fir the longest time I wanted to disappear I didn't want to be here Life was too hard And I felt way too much it was overwhelming But now I can cope I can feel without feeling like it's all too much Life is good Long may it last