Monday
Beard Face continued the job hunt this week by applying for a position as a Predator. I don’t mean the animal kingdom type, I mean an actual Predator with a shoulder gun and mask with infra red vision. Beard Face was immediately invited for an interview but he missed out because the company deemed him just too hideous. They did give him a complimentary mask though so that was some good news to start the week off in style.
Tuesday
Frizzy Hair has been baking quite a bit recently and her latest composition has been granola bars. They look delicious as well. The only problem is they have such a crazy amount of ingredients in there that it’s giving me ideas on my own recipes. I’m wondering if bleach, apples, marzipan, crude oil, strawberries and bath salts would make a good concoction. Next time my owners are out I’m going to make some and leave them in a tin marked, “Beard Face’s stash.”
Oscar nominations this week. Boy was Charlie pissed!
Wednesday
I decided to take an hour out of the day to try and educate Bilbo and Buggles on the ways of modern life. I was aiming for an in-depth lecture on the local town and how it has adapted to numerous changes but we ended up spending the hour going over the patterns of traffic lights. Buggles and Bilbo couldn’t agree on the color of the middle light. Buggles insisted it was orange, while Bilbo was adamant it was gold. It’s actually amber but who am I to get involved in the pointless disputes of two simpletons?
Thursday
The Oscar nominations were heavily discussed in the household today. Beard Face just relayed the nominations to the rest of us and insisted he knew who was going to win. All he had done was read what others had said and chose to adopt their views as his own. Charlie was furious with the nominations. He couldn’t understand how he hadn’t been nominated in every single category. Given that some awards are for Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress, coupled with the fact that Charlie hasn’t actually appeared in a movie, I was somewhat puzzled as to his chagrin.
Friday
Beard Face and Frizzy Hair were celebrating today. They finally published Beard Face’s latest novel. It’s one of his fantasy ones so probably has curvaceous women in it with big breasts and there’s bound to be an overuse of words such as “myriad,” “malevolent,” “grimace” and “suddenly.” Poor Frizzy Hair has toiled for years trying to get him to use different words but the old boy just won’t do it. We’ll wait and see how the book does but I can’t see it faring as well as the kitty books. Everyone loves a good cat tale.
Saturday
Beard Face was glued to the football again this afternoon. His beloved Barnsley were away at Doncaster. As expected, they lost the game and Beard Face nose-dived into the usual chorus of, “Now is the winter of our discontent.” That’s as far as be got with the Shakespeare reference. The rest of his monolog covered a variety of themes including useless football players, sweaty armpits and last week’s episode of Casualty. All very random.
Sunday
Beard Face spent most of the day watching the snooker final. He kept nudging us while we were sleeping and saying the blond one is gonna win, just you wait and see. The poor guy with the blond hair lost the final 10-2 and right up to the end the beard was adamant his man would win the title. To be honest, even after the other guy had lifted the trophy Beard Face was still telling us to wait and see. I often wonder how he’s still allowed to be part of human society. Even the animal kingdom wouldn’t have him and they’re very tolerant.
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