Monday
Beard Face and Frizzy Hair saw family today so we had the house mostly to ourselves. Frizzy Hair was delighted to be spending time with her two year old niece but on her return she was shouting at Beard Face. Apparently his choice of conversation continues to be inappropriate for a young child. He wasn’t being rude or anything but such questions as “What are your thoughts on the economy?”, “Did you see that screamer from Messi the other night?” and “I think the red head is giving me the eye, you know” are not what a two year old should be hearing.
Tuesday
Christmas is fast approaching and Beard Face is still struggling to get into the spirit of the festive season. He listened to Brenda Lee this morning, singing fabulously about Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree. Inspired by the song and by Home Alone Beard Face set out the living room with mannequins and cardboard cutouts of American sports stars carried around on trains. Had the old boy been smoking the happy stuff then I’d have excused his peculiar behavior but he was completely sober so I’m starting to think it’s time someone took him away.
Beard Face tried this at home once. The hole is still in the floor and the earthquake caused by the impact was devastating.
Wednesday
The weather was utterly atrocious today. First sunshine then strong winds and finally miserable rainfall. I ventured outside on a couple of occasions but just couldn’t handle it. I now know how Polar explorers feel. Elsewhere in the Brown household, Beard Face continued his woeful attempt to be festive by singing Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney. After repeating the chorus no fewer than 667 times we had to gag him with the dishcloth. We didn’t have time to clean the strange brown stains and sticky yellow stuff off it though.
Thursday
I do not believe this. Not content with having the canine visitor stay for a few hours, Beard Face and Frizzy Hair have allowed the cheeky sod to stay overnight. I tried to remind them that this is my house and what I say goes but they ignored my protestations. Frizzy Hair stayed upstairs with us cats and tried to placate us by making cooing noises but we weren’t fooled. Beard Face slept downstairs with the dog and although we were happy to have him out of the way, it was no excuse for the betrayal that this awful night has given us.
Friday
Beard Face was feeling very under the weather today. Less than 5 hours sleep probably didn’t help. He genuinely looked run down and I’m not ashamed to say I was concerned for a brief moment. Once I was certain that my food bowl was filled then my anxiety dissipated and I was able to get on with my day. The old boy continued to look dreadful but I was too busy sleeping off the indigestion from my overindulgence to care too much.
Saturday
Beard Face was down in the dumps today. His beloved Barnsley FC were beaten 3-1 at Walsall. They had been ahead at one stage but it lasted about a nanosecond. The old boy went from ecstasy to meh-stasy (see what I did there?) in less than five minutes. It was terrible for him but for us it was absolute bliss and made for a wonderful Saturday evening.
Sunday
Beard Face continues to struggle with Dexter. He’s onto Season 7 now and has only just figured out that Dexter is a serial killer. Given that we have this revelation in the opening episode of Season 1, you may wonder what on earth this buffoon has been doing for the previous 6 seasons. I wish I had an explanation for all of this but sadly I don’t. This may remain one of those unsolved phenomena like UFOs, the Bermuda Triangle or the appeal of Barry Manilow.
0
