The Day After

I found it really difficult to wind down And relax after yesterday's interviewI had so much anxietyAnd so much adrenaline running through my body before hand Sitting on that couch Waiting to be called inWas beyond nerve wracking I haven't felt that anxious in a long timeI thought it was funny in the interviewWhen the man said I had a 'very interesting existence up until now'All I could think was Seriously dudeYou don't know the half of itThat CV was the PG version of my lifeI find people are shocked when I tell them about my pastI guess I don't look like a typical addictBut then what does an addict look like?Really it could be any of us The working mom who drinks a bottle of wine every night to unwind The invalid who got addicted to pain medication The homeless man addicted to heroinThe young student who tAkes party pills Or the housewife who is addicted to over the counter medsThere really is no typical addict Addiction knows no boundariesIt crosses genderAge CreedReligion It could happen to anyone 
After the interview yesterdayMy mum, my sister and I went for dinner in one of the local pubsI had bangers and mashThe others both had Turkey and HamIt was delicious And very welcome on a cold winters dayWhen I got home I got straight in to my pyjamas And took my meds Lit a fire And cozied up on the couch for the evening The interview was running through my head Over and over again on a loopBy 10pmI was starting to nod offSo I took mused off to bedRead about three lines of my bookBefore falling in to a deep sleep 
Today My mom and I brought Lea for a walkHoney elected to stay in her bedI don't blame her Then we went and did the food shopping Before dropping a few items over for my neighbour NowI am looking forward to taking it easy for the dayI have nothing to doAnd the whole day to do it 
The interview If nothing elseWas a great learning experience I learned that I have valuable experience That will be perfect, maybe not for this jobBut for another job I learned that I can feel massive anxiety But can push through it and get the job done I learned that my life could look interesting to an outsider And hopefully Because of that I will be rememberedI learned that I can walk in to a room with three strangersAnd sell myself, my qualities and experience I learned that I am not a waste of space That all my life experience has not been in vain That every little thing in my life Has made me who I am today And I'm starting to see That I am an ok person YesI have made monumental mistakes in my time Sometimes I do such stupid things That I think I need my head examined But I have learned from every mistake And most people are kind enough to give a second chance Because everyone deserves one Every one f**ks up royally once in a while That's lifeThat's human That's growing upIf I let every mistake I ever made get me down I would never get anywhere We have to let it goWe have to  forgive ourselvesHope others can TooAnd move onI know that I'm not a bad personYes I've done some utterly stupid things in my time In addiction I was cunning, sly, manipulative I swear an addict with a bit of a brain is a dangerous combination But most people are goodIt is rarely you meet someone who is bad to the bone Yes, they are out there But they are the exception rather than the rule
In other newsI have given up weighing myself I'm just not willing to let a stupid little number dictate my mood and self esteem anymoreI'm sick of measuring my self worth in pounds and ounces It doesn't matter what I weigh It really doesn't As long as I am not drastically underweight Or drastically over weightSomewhere in between is absolutely fine I'm pretty sure my weight is holding steady though As my clothes fit the sameI've had to wear my jeans rolled down at the topAs most of them are too big for me now So it's no harm if I gain a few pounds I know the too skinny look is not a good one Health wise or aesthetically So I'm going to use the moderation approach Everything in moderation Including moderationThat sounds like a good plan to meAnd anyway Mary has asked me not to weigh at home And she will weigh me once a week
That's all from me today folksThanks for reading and supporting my blogSee you on the next post...