Community Magazine

The Calm After the Storm

By Rubytuesday
Yesterday is overThank God that yesterday is over It is no longer the day that I was caught shopliftingI swear it was like a nightmareI kept waiting to wakeAnd realize that it was all a bad dreamI often have dreams like that That I usedOr drankOr smokedAnd then woke up to sweet relief that it was all a dreamBut this wasn't a dream It was real I made the choice to take that topAnd walk out of that shopI have no excuseNo plausible reason for doing thisI did it because I wanted the topIt was as simple and as stupid as that
I went to two meetings yesterdayThe first was an AA meetingI wasn't going to say anything at the meeting But it was a small one so I decided to shareI got very upset while speakingAs the weight of what had happened sat on my shouldersEveryone was greatTold me not to best myself onTo learn from this and move onThe general consensus was that no one is a saintAnd we all have moments of madness and do stupid things One of the women even offered me some money to put in a card to give to the shop ownerIt was sweet of herBut I politely declined This was my mess to sort out
I returned homeWhere my sister said that she needed to talk to meI thought she had read yesterday's postAnd that she knewSo I kind of put my foot in itBecause she hadn'tShe had quite a bad reaction to itFirst she got angryAnd said some horrible thingsBut then that anger turned into disbelief and sadnessShe just couldn't understand why I had done itEither can I I don't blame her thoughI seem to fuck up time and time again
I went to another meeting last nightAgain it was a small meeting So I felt comfortable sharingSome people there suggested I write a letter of apologySo that's what I did when I got homeI write a short noteExpressing my regretAnd asked if there was anything I could do to make amends As I am willing to do that This shop was not some big chain storeIt's a small family run businessWho are probably struggling as it is without the likes of me stealing their goodsSo I would really jump at the chance of atonement 
But as bad as yesterday was I do realize that it could have been a whole lot worse That girl could have called the cops In fact I am wondering why she didn'tShe was well within her rights toWhen we were walking up to the shopShe seemed to calm down a lotAnd was asking me questionI said as little as possibleJust apologising when I felt it was appropriateI am so grateful to that girl for letting me goI could be sitting in a police cell right nowAnd that would be an utter disaster Imagine if I had had to call my family from a cop stationAnd tel them that I had been arrestedIt doesn't bear thinking about
So I guess the best thing to doIs to take the learning out of thisAnd the lesson is well and truly learntI won't be be shoplifting again And if that is the only positive to come out of this Then maybe it was a blessing in disguise
The calm after the storm

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