The Bleaklisted Movies: The Wild Bunch

About The Bleaklisted Movies

Many moons ago a despotic cat named Charlie decided that he wanted to be a book critic. It would fit so nicely with his existing roles as food critic, dog critic and owner critic. Thus The Bleaklisted Books was born.
The Wild Bunch What happens?

A bunch of ageing outlaws look to complete one last job but things don't go so well and they all die in a shootout.

Reason for bleaklisting?

They just weren't wild enough and that shootout at the end needed to be more bloody.

What should have happened?

A group of badasses wander the Old West getting into all kinds of trouble and often seeing many of their gang killed in the process. The gang are led by Spike and throughout their 30 something years of criminal activity, he has insisted they manage on a diet of beans, bacon and sausage with a sprinkle of his grandmother's "Spicy Spicy Pepper." The pepper has proved so spicy that it has continuously left the gang in a bitter mood and more prone to violence. After a train robbery goes a bit wrong, Spike decides it's time to retire and takes the last of his gang along to an Italian restaurant to celebrate. When the lasagne and carbonara dishes arrive, Spike goes for his bottle of Spicy Spicy Pepper but the proprietor points to a sign over the entrance which says, "No Bringing Your Own Pepper!" Spike and his gang tuck into their first meal in 30 years without the infamous pepper and the following day they wake as different men. They're happy, polite, peaceful and eager to help the community with fundraising and a whole manner of humanitarian schemes.

Working title?

The Mild Lunch.

The food had changed. Theirs hadn't. The pepper had changed. Theirs hadn't.

Who should direct?

Kathryn Bigelow.

Who should star?

Kevin Costner, Barry Manilow and Conway Twitty.

Mr B compares the stories

Sam Peckinpah's brutal Western about maladjusted outlaws left behind in a changing world is one of the classics of its field. The ending is the most memorable part, of course, with the brutal shootout that spells the end of Pike's gang. Charlie has dispensed with what made Peckinpah's movie great and instead has gone down the road of a gang who are only violent because they always have some spicy pepper on their food. Take the pepper away and they start being good boys. Kevin Costner has done Westerns before but Barry Manilow and Conway Twitty in there as well? I suppose they could provide the campfire music but I don't see them convincingly wielding guns in the Old West.