A few weeks ago I attended a bridal shower for a friend’s daughter. I was seated at a table with seven other women who, in conversation, impressed me as being well-educated and knowledgeable on a variety of subjects.
A few weeks ago I attended a bridal shower for a friend’s daughter. I was seated at a table with seven other women who, in conversation, impressed me as being well-educated and knowledgeable on a variety of subjects. That’s why, when the subject of breast cancer came up, I was both surprised and disappointed by what the majority of them had to say.
I didn’t know my table mates prior to being seated with them, so they were not aware of my breast cancer history.
Halfway into the meal, one woman shared that she had attended a funeral in the AM for a friend who died of breast cancer. She said, “I can’t help but wonder if my friend could not have done more to prevent getting breast cancer.” It seems her friend was 45 when diagnosed. Her friend was a physically fit woman who exercised regularly, watched her diet, and didn’t drink or smoke. She got annual mammograms beginning at age 40.
I asked what she thought her friend could have done that she was not already doing when diagnosed. Another woman spoke up, suggesting that it must have been in her family. Other comments included everything from …”Your friend must have been doing something you weren’t aware of to get breast cancer to… I’ll bet she was on hormone therapy for menopause.”
Why the blame game? It was obvious that these women were trying to find reasons why this woman got breast cancer in order reassure themselves that it was something she did, not a random event that could happen to anyone. These women needed to believe that they could control whether or not they got breast cancer. What was sad was that they needed to blame the woman who had died of breast cancer for her fate.
Identifying myself as a two-time survivor, I took the opportunity to share what I knew about breast cancer. My comments, although brief, made some of the women visibly uncomfortable. That was not my intent. I shared that while research tells us we may be able to reduce our risk of getting breast cancer by practicing a healthy lifestyle; a healthy life style is not a get out of jail free card when it comes to breast cancer.
