Politics Magazine

The Best Christmas Gift You Can Give This Season

Posted on the 25 December 2015 by Calvinthedog

What’s the best Christmas gift you can give this season? Of course it’s making a donation to this site! Why did you even have to ask that question?

Seriously, I know most of you are overwhelmed with guilt about this site. You come here every day to read for free, and you don’t pay your way by giving a donation. You’re moochers. Well, most of you are, not all of you. It’s eating you up inside. Some of you are getting ulcers and other stress-related illnesses due to all of this guilt. Others are in therapy or on psychiatric drugs for this unresolved guilt.

But good news is here! I have a plan to relieve your guilt better than any of those therapists, MD’s or pills. Just make a donation to the site, no matter how small! Seriously, that is all you have to do. Just think of all the guilt that will be magically lifted off your shoulders. Just think of all the psychosomatic illnesses that will vanish in an instant. All you have to do is press that Contribute button, and your Christmas Day will be guilt- and stress-free so you can happily enjoy it with your loved ones.

A lot of you want to donate to the poor this season. But you are looking around for some poor people to donate too. Well, look no further!

Here is the gritty reality. I have $55 to last me the rest of the month. I also have $225 in unpaid bills this month. Of course, I didn’t have enough money to buy anyone any Xmas presents, but most Christmases are like that.

Does my life suck or what? Try being me. This is actually completely normal for me and I live this way month in and out and somehow keep from getting very depressed or eating a bullet. For me, it’s the New Normal.

Think of it.All you pikers have to do is contribute $170. That won’t even make me slightly rich.All it will do is pay my bills this, month!

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