The Beautiful Ones

 Up until recently I was weighing every dayIt was always the first thing I did in the morningPeeStripAnd stand on the scales Holding my breath as if the air in my lungs would effect the number I'd squeeze my eyes shutAnd peep through my fingers to see my fateI have numbers that are acceptableNumbers that are unacceptable Safe numbersUnsafe numbersMy weight tends to stay within the same five poundsTends to be lower in the middle of the monthAnd higher when I get my periodJust a quick note about periodsI didn't get mine for ten years when I was very illIt's only in the last few months that my period has come back
AnywayIn recent weeks I have stopped weighing so muchAs it just drives me nutsThe number on the scales dictates my mood for the whole day It really has the power to ruin my dayThe number goes  up and I spiral in to black hole of depressionThe number goes down and I sky rocket in to euphoriaBut in realityNo matter what the numberMy ED is never happy Never ever 
So I've decided to go by how I feelAnd how I lookRather than what the scale saysAnd I feel pretty okI feel steady and grounded and stableFor the most partI feel ok in my bodyYes there are things that I would like to changeI would love to be more toned and fitBut being in my body is tolerable I can live with itI've accepted that I will never be a supermodel Or one of the beautiful peopleYou know who they areThey're the ones with shiny silky hairAll tousled and messy like they've just got  out of bedThey have long, lean and tanned limbsPerfect skinTrendy clothesAnd it all looks utterly effortless 
I on the other handAm not beautiful I'm average at bestMy hair is frizzyMy skin is dryI try to dress wellBut it doesn't always work out the way I want it doMy body is flabby And it was even worse before I had a tanI guess I could be improved By a team of stylists and make up artistsMaybe then I could be something approaching prettyBut I don't have the energy, inclination or money to do thatSo I just try and make the best of what I have got 
I think the most attractive quality in someone is  confidenceYou can have a beautiful faceHigh fashion clothes An expensive hair cut But it all means nothing If confidence is absent I don't have a whole lot of confidence In fact It's pretty non existent I guess I am faking it until I make it
I was wondering about youHow is your confidence? Does confidence come easy to you?Or are you like me and struggle a lot?What has helped build your confidence?