Self Expression Magazine

That Dreaded Life Timeline

By Melgrace5 @helgrace5

Let’s face it, at one time or another, everyone had a timeline. The naive, yet optimistic, probably still do. Brutally honest, but you have to be a little naive to think that life falls exactly into place at specific times. Specially if you are in your mid-20′s or so, it just means you’ve yet to experience life. Or, you’re just in perpetual denial. I’m not saying I’m starting to become cynical, just more realistic that’s all. The two can easily be confused with the other. I still believe in good people, love, and all that good stuff. I’m just more aware of the opposite.

What did the naive in me think?
I thought that I’d be married by 25, kids by 28 the latest and so on. I’m only 23 so that could still happen, but I won’t know until I get there. Things will happen for me when it’s my time. I’m in no rush.

What are some of the things I don’t believe in?
-Love at first sight. I feel like this is more infatuation more than anything. How do you know you love someone without knowing who they really are? I know I fall easily, but I also fall out easily. But that’s just the impulsive/passionate Leo in me. I’m too critical to fall in love at first sight.
-Destiny? What is destiny? says “the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events.” I don’t believe anything is predetermined. I think a lot of things are by coincidence. I know I question why things happen sometimes, but it’s hard to believe that each of our lives has a specific course it’s suppose to take.
-Religion. I just don’t. I don’t have anything against people who believe in religion, just don’t impose it on other people. Morals and values exist outside of religion and you’re naive and stupid if you think otherwise. I don’t believe in the bible and it’s contents. Don’t try to convince me because I’m not looking to get convinced. I was brought up Catholic for 18 years, so I’m not just some outside entity who has had no exposure. I’ve had tons and I’ve had enough of it.

I would still like to believe that there is such thing as “forever.” That each person will find someone that they’re compatible with and will spend the rest of their lives with. I want that. The vows, the struggles, the laughs, the vulnerability, the togetherness, I want that with someone. But I know it’ll take time. I’m still so young but I’ve learned to stop expecting things to happen at certain times, I just know things happen for people if they are open to it. Love for example, people may continuously complain about being alone and how it’d be nice to be with someone. But love takes A LOT of sacrifice in every aspect. It’s not just the good stuff. What defines a relationship for me are the struggles. If we can pull through our fights and deal with them in a mature and respectful way and come out stronger, then I’ll know that it’s a relationship worth being in.

It is a slow process, old habits are hard to break, but I’m willing to learn. I’m still a-glass-half-full type of girl but I’m also human.

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