Tantastic

In an effort to make myself feel a little better about the whole summer thingI've taken to working on my tanThe weather here is starting to improveSo there is no need for knits and fleeces any moreWhich is a shame because I love wrapping up on cold winter daysThe one thing that I hate about summer Is the fact that less clothes are necessaryBut I always feel better about myself if I have a colourSo I signed up for 100 minutes in the sun shower of my local leisure centreI've already used 45 minutes in 3 daysAs you knowI don't do things by halves 
The other reason I was dreading summerWas because of my toeThis tie has given me no end of trouble over the yearsWhat with in grown nails Growing in the wrong directionAnd generally not doing what a big toe is supposed to doAfter years of hiding my toes And pretending there is nothing wrong with itI finally showed my doctor said toe on TursdayHe took one look at itAnd said it would have to come offThe nail that is Not the toeEven though the whole procedure sounds horrificI am actually glad that something is finally being done about it At last I will be able to get all my toes out and not scare small children with its grossnessI would show you a photo of said toeBut I don't want to put you off your breakfast
In recovery You hear a lot about self careLooking after yourselfMentallyPhysicallyAnd spirituallyIn the midst of addiction or an EDSelf care is not high on your list of prioritiesYou are generally too busy trying to kill your self They also say that you need to be a bit selfishAnd put yourself firstThis does not come very easily for meAs I am a natural people pleaserI want to please peopleI want to be likedAnd I want people to think well of meBut this can back fireAs people pleasers can be rather annoyingBut I am starting to look after myselfBy getting my teeth doneGetting my toe doneGoing to meetingsGoing to therapyKeeping my side of the street clean as it were 
Taking care of myself is a new phenomenon I spent years abusing myselfI didn't care about me or my healthI can remember being down in my sisters houseShe would always have supplements and vitamins and health aids out on the counterI remember thinking why would you bother?What is the point?But now I can see that she was taking care of her healthAnd that is greatI'm just not quite there yet
My body image changes from day to dayFrom minute to minuteSometimes I catch my reflection in a mirror And I think I look grotesqueOther times I see something that approaches ok My weight is holding steadyFluctuating a kilo either wayIf I am honestI would love to be 5 pounds lighterBut I know it's a dangerous game yo think like thatMy BMI is stable at about 20Just about healthy And I am ok with that
I am trying to do little things to help me feel better about my bodyThe tanningWearing pretty and comfortable clothesExercising Doing my hairMy nails All these things make me feel a little bit better

I was wondering about youHow is your body image?What do you do to improve your body image?Are you like me and find summer difficult?Inquiring minds want to know.....