Tales from Treatment......

If you've ever been in treatment, rehab or hospital you will know that they are very interesting places
There's never a dull moment
The treatment center I was in recently is a psychiatric hospital
The best in the country
The hospital is spilt up in to different wards
Which ward you end up in depends on how acute your illness is
I was on St. Brigid's Ward where all the people doing the EDRP (eatingdisorder recovery programme) stay
St. Brigid's is not solely for EDRP patients
This ward also has patients with diagnosis of depression, anxiety, bi-polar, schizophrenia and more
I guess St. Brigid's is where you are put if you are not a risk to yourself or others
St. Brigid's itself is a lovely ward
It's modern and clean
It has two tv rooms
A communal area to sit and chat
It has it's own kitchen packed with biccies
And views looking out over Dublin bay
There are double rooms
And also single rooms, which are like little apartments
I was always in a sharing room and had some very interesting room mates during my stay  there
When I came back after Christmas the hospital was completely dead
There were only a handful of patients on the ward
But as soon  as the big day passed
The hospital suddenly became incredibly busy
It was as if people had been trying their best to keep it together for Christmas, and as soon as it was over people just crumbled and had to come in to hospital
Then the ward was full
And then everything went nuts......
It all started when two bipolar ladies were admitted
But to protect their identities I will change their names
Enter Jay
She was quite high when she arrived
And quickly made herself feel at home
During the first conversation I had with her, she told me that I need to spend less time with the other ED girls
She said it wasn't healthy that we are around each other all of the time
That makes a bit of sense I guess
The Elena arrived
She also has bipolar and also was as high as a kite
Elena was making not a lot of sense
She spent her days drawing and writing and talking about things that I could not make head nor tail out of
Her and I spent many an hour sitting on the window ledge in the smoking room chatting and chain smoking
Even though she was off the wall
Even though she was so unpredictable
Even though she smoked all my cigarettes one night
I still loved her
Maybe even because of these things I loved her
Elena and I used to get up very early to have a smoke
At about 6am we'd meet for a smoke and a chat
This particular morning I went in to the smoking room to see that Elena had started to write on the 3 walls
I didn't pay much attention to it, had my smoke and went back to bed
I got up again about an hour later and when I opened the smoking room and when I looked up I was shocked
Elena had covered every wall in the room with writing written in permanent red marker
For the past hour she had been writing phrases like 'you are dead meat' and 'offer it up to Mary'
I tried to read some but most of it made no sense at all##
I went to a nurse and asked her if she has seen the smoking room
She she hadn't and walked over to the room
She stared at the walls
It was like something out of a movie
Elena came in to the room and the nurse asked her why she would do such a thing
She said she had to do it
The confrontation escalated in to an argument and the nurse had to call for helo
Three nurses from the ward came running
They were all shocked to see the grafitti
The smoking room was promptly closed
And we weren't allowed off the ward so we were trying to figure out a way to go for a much needed smoke
Thankfully the ward next to ours allowed us over to use theirs
Enter two doctors to check out Elena's art work
Then they saw Elena
They were just down the corridor so we could hear them all roaring and shouting at each other
A couple of hours later and the smoking room is back in action
Thank God
The ward was really unsettled for the weekend
We just didn't know what she would do next
But the thing is that I really like this girl
She's wacky
Spontaneous
With just the right amount of crazy
She was a breath of fresh air
I ended up being friends with this girl
I felt like I could totally be myself around her
And to be around some one like that is so refreshing and so freeing
I felt so comfortable in her presence
She gave me permission to be myself
Fast forward  2 weeks and I have a new room mate
She had just come up from the locked ward and was now in my room
She spent a lot of time in bed
And that's ok if it helps her
Then one day when she was pouring a drink I thought that I smelled alcohol
I was concerned but I didn't say anything
Another day I was giving her a hug and I definitely smelled it again on her breath
She talked in her sleep a lot
She'd call me in the middle of the night
Babbling in her sleep that she wanted to jump out the window
One evening she asked me to call her when night meds were being dispensed
I went to her at half ten to wake her
She didn't budge
I went and got one of the other girls to help me
She couldn't get out of the bed and we had to pull her up
All the while babbling away
We got her on her feet and she then proceeded to her slippers on the wrong feet
Myself and clare were sure the staff would figure out her erratic behaviour
In the days that followed, staff figured out what was going on
The lady was promptly sent to the locked ward
As for me
I am home 2 weeks now
I'm slipping back in to bad habits
Taking more of meds than I should
I'm still restricting
I'm still purging
I'm still doing very little to help myself
My sick thinking is daring me to have one more go
One more downward spiral
One more last huuurrahh!
I just want to dance with the devil one more time
I have a number in mind that I want to get to
And when
I reach that number
Then I will stop playing this wicked gme