You know the ones
They have these amazing epiphany's
They claim that they have looked death in the face and survived
They realize that they were taking their lives for granted
Taking people for granted
They see that they are unhappy with their lot
Their lives
Their jobs
Their hum-drum, rat race existence
They vow to change their ways
To never waste another minute
To live everyday like it is their last day on earth
To do all the things they really want to do
That they've been putting off
Now they have a new appreciation for life
Renewed vigour
Motivation
Zest for life
Well that hasn't happened to me
Not one little bit
I feel my body hurting
My back and sides ache
My stomach is sore
It's distended and feels like it is churning acid
It gurgles and rumbles and grumbles and is generally very uncomfortable
Food tastes different
There is a chemical taste off of it
I have a deathly pallor
Dark circles under my eyes
I was with my mechanic the other day, who was also in hospital last week
We looked like two ghosts having a conversation about cars
And yes, I am still purging
Still with the purging
Not as much but it's still there
My nemesis
I've tried to stop
I promise you I have
But I can't
I literally can't
Not on my own at least
Judging from the comments on my last couple of posts, I'm thinking that people have the impression that I'm a lot thinner than I actually am
I'm not emaciated
I'm not starving
Yes, I was emaciated for a long time but over the last 2 years I have gained more weight than I've lost
Yes, recently my weight has dropped a little but I'm no where near where I was
I was about to write 'And I'm not being delusional'
But maybe I am
I don't know
What do you think?
You saw my photo a couple of posts back as I am today
Am I living in cloud cuckoo land?
Oh and just so it's not all doom and gloom, here are a few funny things that happened in hospital
In casualty someone's phone rang and it was the casualty theme tune
A nurse giving out shit to a man in casualty who kept making smart comments at the top of his voice
For instance, every time the phone rang he kept repeating 'The phone's ringing, the phone's ringing....
My mother arriving to visit me only to find me and my bed missing. She thought that I had died but I was actually having tests done (Maybe that one is not so funny but my family have a dark sense of humour)
The psychiatrist asking me how long my memory had been bad and my replying in all seriousness 'I can't remember'
Have a good Monday! x
