Stereotype

I was reading an article in the Sunday Times magazine yesterdayIt was an exert from a book called The time in between: A memoir of hunger and hopeWritten by Nancy TuckerWho developed anorexia when she was a teenagerThe pieces started off with Nancy talking about her need or desire to be perfectIn schoolHer workHer appearanceHer bodyI guess the stereotype for an anorectic is a middle class white girlPrivileged Prone to perfectionismA good girlAlthough that's not entirely trueThe stereotype persistsNancy developed anorexia at the tender age of twelveAnd was locked in a battle of wills either parents for the next few yearsShe was hospitalisedDropped out of schoolHer whole world became about avoiding eatingShe just wanted to be thinBut of course anorexia becomes something else entirelyA prison A locked box that is nigh impossible to break out of
When Nancy was 15She stopped eating completelyA single morsel didn't pass her lips for 93 daysShe came to the realisation that she was going to die if something didn't changeShe wanted to recover like 'the homeless want three inches of snow'But she she knew she needed toIf she wanted to liveSlowly Nancy began to recoverShe regained weightAnd got her life backShe describes recovery as 'an up and down, hop-skip-jump progression and once you reach the finish line the referee will inform you that in fact - surprise! There is no finish. There is only a bumbling, stumbling, getting back up and crumbling now. There is only today'.
This article was a fascinating readI could identify with some partsSome parts I couldn't I don't fit neatly in to the diagnosis of anorexiaI was never the 'good girl'The high achieverThe perfectionistI was always pushing the boundariesSeeing how far I could goI guess in the early years of my illnessI was strictly anorectic But even then it wasn't straight forwardI was addicted to drugsAnd so wasn't aware of my ED for the first few yearsAnd over timeI developed bulimia alongside itComplicating things further
Bulimia is the antithesis of anorexiaAs I always sayIf anorexia is cold and silent and aloofThe bulimia is loud and brash and on your faceAnorexia is all about denial Restriction PunishmentBulimia is all about indulgingOver indulgingTrying to flip that hole in the soulThen purging the body of the excessThey are oppositesBut on the same spectrumBoth serve the same purposeTo numbTo escape To hurtAnd they do that job well
I guess I am a mixture of anorexia and bulimiaI swing between the twoAnd could display behaviours of either on a given day Take yesterdayI didn't eat anything for about 20 hoursBut this morningIt's only 11amAnd I've already eaten crisps and chocolate Like I sayIt's one extreme or the other
Recovery is a tentative word at the momentI'm as well as I can beI haven't used in two weeks But my meds are still a bit all over the placeThis week I am thinking of giving my meds to a family member to dole out to me every dayJust while I get back on trackAs for my EDAs I said I think this is as good as it gets for me right nowMy weight is stableBut the purging persistsSome days I might purge onceSome days it could be five timesBut this is a vast improvement I think back to 18 months agoI was out of controlSmoking 30 cigarettes a dayAnd spending €100 euro on themThat left me with about €90 for the weekAnd that went on binge foodThis is also part of the reason I used to shopliftSome thing I haven't done in a long time now thankfullyI spent my days binging and purgingI had a path worn from my kitchen to my bathroomEndlessly marching the March of an active bulimicOvet working the toiletTo the point of breaking it on two occasions I was a mess
I am now just a year in to my recoveryMy mood has improved dramaticallyMy anxiety is under control for the most partMy health is infinitely betterBoth mentally and physicallyMy quality of life is so much betterAnd now my addiction recovery has startedIt's sad that it took a relapse for me to finally see I needed helpButIt takes what it takesNow I feel like I am on the right pathI feel motivated and positive and hopefulI feel like I have a shot at having a good lifeA sober lifeToday is Day 3 of my challenge I'm hoping to get to a meeting tonightAnd I'm feeling nervous already All I can go is my best That is enough
I say my doctor this morningHe drug tested meAnd my urine is now negative for everythingThat feels good Now I know the drugs have left my bodyAnd I can concentrate on getting on with the rest of my life
I was wondering about youDo you fit the stereotype for anorexia or bulimia?What do you identify as ED wise?Do you think the stereotype for anorexia is accurate?I'd love to know what you think......