Starry Starry Night....

I bring this post to you a tired but very happy RubyYesterday was a lovely dayIt started early I had a quick cuppa before going down to meet sister number twoWe left her house at about tenAnd picked up my nephew from his Dad's on the wayThen we headed out to the equestrian centreThe center is about an hour from my door to their doorBut I enjoy it so much I don't mind the journey at allThe pony camp was on this weekAnd myself and my nephew arrived at about 11am to help outThere were about ten kids I was watching them ride And they were amazing!Theses kids were from age 6 - 12And they were well able to ride I was seriously impressedThere were a lot of helpers there today Do there wasn't a whole lot of work for myself and OisinBut we helped where we could Leading the horses Giving the kids lunch But there was a lot of hanging aroundTo be honest I felt a bit out of my depth There were so many people there A lot of strong personalities And I kind of felt like I was being really quiet and awkward I was having a cuppa with the ownerAnd another girl who is a stunt riderI felt like a meek little mouse My confidence is definitely something I need to work on Don't get me wrong I loved being there today I just felt like I wasn't being myself But I have to remember I am only going a few weeksAnd I am working on my confidence and self esteem I amA work in progress 
At about 2pmWe got to ride Two of the men from my group also came I was so delighted to finally get up and rideOisin also got to ride He was led around And he got to trotHe did so wellI got to canter today Which was amazing!One of the lads called Daniel led meAnd I felt like I was going so fast I had this big grin on my faceAnd it felt exhilarating!Eilis said she will do more with me next weekSo that's something to look forward to It's all about baby steps Growing and improving each weekOisin loved the place Being with the animals And being around others who live animals tooIt was lovely to do something just be and my nephew Animals are something that we really bond overIt's our thing And that is very specialOhAnd apparently I am going to be in a horse show in May I don't know what I have to doOr what it's all about But I'm sure it will all become clear in time I just can't think about itOr there's no way I'll be able to do itThe lesson finished at about 3pmI was on Star as usual He is my bestie now I love him He's so patient and gentle And I think he mirrors me well
Food presented a bit of a problem todayI had brought a sandwich But it turned out that they made chips and sausages there I took a plate but coul barely eat any of itWhen one of the little boys started crying they he had no sausages I gave him mineSo I just had a couple of chipsIt was all I could stomachIt was a long dayAnd to be honest I was glad to hit the road for homeI'm just not used to being around so many new people And I can be quite shy and quietI'm hoping my confidence will improve As I don't like being a wall flower Eilis tells me my confidence will come onI hope she is right On the way home We went to HomelandHome land is this amazing storeIt has a pet centre A groomers A garden centre Clothes And loads of DIY stuff and the like I picked up food for the dogsAnd food for my neighbours dog tooAfter that We made our way homeI felt exhausted But still high on adrenaline may the same timeI thought back over the day And thought of incidents where I could have been a bit more sociable or chatty But lookI did my best I will never be loud or brashIt's just not in meBut I hope people will give me a chance Because I will eventually feel comfortable around youAnd it will be worth the wait I promise you that 
I didn't take my meds this morningAs I wanted to be alert and lucid for the dayUsually on my way to the centre I fall asleep in the seatBut today I was very lucid and awakeI did feel different having not taken itI felt hyper alert and sensitiveAnd had a lot more energy I foundI took it the minute I got homeAnd instantly felt relaxed That is probably a psychological thing Just knowing that I've taken it makes me feel better Today was great though To spend a day doing something I love is an absolute joy And to come home and feel naturally tired is so greatI sleep so well these nights And I know it's because I am more active Even though I am just sitting on the horse It is still hard work Hard but so enjoyable I would love to do more Heck I would love to ride every day if I could Hopefully during the summer I can do it more frequently Horse riding has really captured my attention and imagination It's something I wish I had done more of over the years But Better late than ever right?
We are getting some work done on our bathroom this weekSo there are two men here working One of the men is called PatWe have known him since we moved here ten years ago He often does jobs around our house We were having a cup of tea yesterday And he reminded me of what I used to be like He said he would call in to the house And I would be passed out on the living room floor From drinking vodka and abusing my meds He used to try to help me But I wouldn't listen to him at allHe said that there is such a difference in me now And it's true I've worked hard to get to place where I am happy and healthy Granted sometimes it's two steps forward and one back But the important thing is to keep moving in the right direction Every morning I ask my higher power to help me get through the day without hurting myself or anyone elseAnd be thankful that nightHorse riding is helping me change my life And I just know it will help me with my confidence and self esteem Eilis is the lady who runs the place she never asks me about my conditions But I would live to tell her about my history Of drugs and EDJust to let her know why I am the way I amAnd I am trying to get my life back on trackBut she is always so busy So it's hard to get a quiet word with herBut I'm sure I willWhen the time is right I am so paranoid thoughI was thinking that they all thought I was the weird quiet girl with piercings in her faceBut againThat is my head telling me that And my head is not a reliable source of informationBut I will keep goingKeep pushing myself to get out and about and live my life Push through the fear and the anxiety And do the things I want to do I think it's so important to move outside our comfort zones And do something that tests us and challenges usOther wise we don't grow and thrive I have Mary to thank for hooking me up with Eilis and the horsesMary works with a girl called SamAnd Sam goes to the centre And put the word out about people with mental health issues riding Sam was there my first day riding And Eilis told me today that she will he there next weekIt will be good to see her And show her how far I've come
So I will leave you here I'm going to take it easy today And get my strength back Hope all is well in your world See you in the next post....