Star

I'm just on my way home from my second horse riding lessonI've been looking forward to it all weekMy Mum drove todayThe morning was frosty So we had to take a bit of a detour to get to the stablesThe lesson was at 11 30amSo we left out house at 10 15amAnd arrived just in time I was in with a group this week As opposed to last weekWhen it was a one on one sessionBefore we got saddled upMy Mum and I took a little walk around There was a beautiful miniature horseI completely forgot to take a photo of him But he was just adorable Then it was my turn I was riding Star again today He is fast becoming my bestieThis week we mostly trotted And I was let go on my own I felt more confident this week It is just so enjoyable And there is a lovely atmosphere there People come And leave their troubles at the doorHave the craicAnd forget about real life for a while I was a bit quieter today I always am around new people But I tried my best to be sociable and pleasant I'm hoping as I do more sessions That my confidence will grow Both around people And around the horses
Having something to look forward to Makes a huge difference to my whole world With out something you enjoyWhat is the point of life?And we make a day of it on a Wednesday After horse riding We go in to townAnd go for something to eat Or do some shopping As I was leaving the stables todayAilish, the lady in charge Said that if I ever want to hang around for a couple of hoursI can help them around the stablesI was delighted to hear this As it's something I would just love to doSpending time with horses?I don't need to be asked twice And now the weather is improving a bit It makes it a lot easier That's another thing to look forward to
It seems like things are beginning to fall in to place for meI can remember as recently as Christmas feeling so very lostI just didn't know where I was going Or what I was doing I remember my Mum saying to me one day That I looked like a lost soulThey was exactly the way I felt But now Now things are starting to turn around for meSlowly but surelyAs usual My bulimia is holding me back If I could just get the purging under controlI might have a fighting chanceI feel like I have a lot to live for now I'm building my own little life Doing my own little thing I used to always wait for people to suggest things Like going swimming Or going in to town I didn't have the confidence to do my own thing As I didn't think it counted if I suggested it I didn't think my opinion it thoughts mattered I guess being the youngest of fourI have always just fallen in with my older siblings And did what they did Now that I am fully grown adult The habits of a life time are hard to change I still tend to follow their lead But more and more I am finding my own occupationMy own hobbies and interests My own life 
Breda often speaks to me about self care You know Doing things for yourself To mind yourself To care for yourself Things you enjoy I am just starting to see how important that is nowBecause now I have my own little thing going onI have the horse riding My upcoming jobAnd meetings The last time I went to meetings I kind of depended on one personIf they were going to the meeting I would go But if they weren't I wouldn't go eitherThis time I'm trying to mix with many people So I'm not tied to the one personAnd it feels so much better not to be dependent on anyone I go to my meetings I talk to everyone I go out of my way to speak to people who I usually wouldn't meet I suggest other meetings to go toNext MondayMyself and two of the ladies are going to a lunch time meeting up northSo I'm looking forward to that too
As I type this I am sitting in a car park outside a supermarket Waiting for my Mum who has gone to the bankI feel content Satisfied I feel like I did something really good for myself today Something I enjoyed And is food for the soul I feel happy that I got out of the house That I got up earlyWalked the dogs Got dressedAnd headed to the equestrian centre Now I am heading home And I feel a warm glow insideAnd that my friendsIs priceless...