It’s weird, every day I start by signing into my wordpress dashboard, look at the stats, look at the comments and then think about writing a post, but that is usually where I stop. I get myself so stressed out about writing the post that I usually do nothing, and before I know it one day of not writing turns into two weeks. That is actually typical of my life- I’m controlled by this intense urge to escape from reality and let myself fall into a fantasy (tv shows, anime, manga, video games), a world that is completely different and wonderful. A place where I can forget about my troubles and pretend I’m someone different. A world where I can have friends that don’t judge me or take advantage of me. That’s why I’m so obsessed with TV shows, I can let myself become sucked into the world and the tv characters become my friends, my world and my life. It’s kind of pathetic, but its my way out, my safe place. And unfortunately I’ve had to escape from this world due to some problems that occurred at my support and my struggles with the issue of that girl putting me down for being to “sick.” Couple that with my need to make enough money to pay for rent and support myself and you can see why I’ve tried to escape from this place.
Again sorry for the short post, but I need to go back into my fantasy world, yes this is childish and a cop out, but it’s the only way I know how to keep myself sane without using drugs again. I just wish I actually had real friends that respected me and wanted to actually be with me instead of just using me for moral support. I hate being lonely, and I really want to have a positive outlook on people, in fact I think everyone has potential, everyone is brilliant and I try to look for the good in people. But that seems to burn me quite a bit. I’m really lonely and I really want to connect with people and I truly thought the support group would be a great way to meet people but I was wrong it was just another cesspool.
I hope you are doing well,
Dave.
