September

And so Autumn has arrived It's my favorite season of allAnd on the 7thI turn another year olderThis has been a good year for me so farIt didn't start out wellBut somehow i managed to turn things around How?I'm not entirely sure Most of the time I feel like I am being carried along by friends and family My feet barely touching the ground The biggest thing that happened this yearIs that I secured a jobAnd worked all summerI met new people Made friends for lifeI came out of my shell And really discovered who I amAnd what I am all about I loved working Loved the holiday centreAnd everyone in itWe all became like a little family Then of course it all came out the night of our staff partyWhose in to who Who likes who It all got very sillyBut that's alcohol for youIn our workplace There are about ten females And two malesSo there just aren't enough to go around But hey There are plenty more fish in the sea right?Work is winding down nowI only have a couple more weeks until I am again joblessI can't lie I am going to miss it so much And I will continue to look for year round workWork has given me a great sense of satisfaction As well as making me more confident and independent It's not an easy jobIt's both physically and mentally demanding We are constantly running up and down stairs Cleaning Serving Picking upI swear my fitness has increased marginally this summerAnd then there is the emotional side of the jobWe are dealing with vulnerable peoplePeople who have a mental or physical disability People who are dealing with addiction or some other mental health issueAnd I find that people are very openThey want to chat They want to tell you their story Of course I am happy to listenMaybe these people don't have anyone to talk to at home Maybe they don't get a chance to unwind and relaxAnd get away from the daily grindI've heard some very sad stories this summer Stories that would break the coldest of hearts I must say It's been a pleasure to help these people enjoy a well earned holidayAnd it's thanks to the charity that I work for that they do get a holidayWork is coming to an end nowI officially finish up in two weeks It's going to be hard to adjust to life without work again But I'll be back next year for sure Just try and stop me...
In other news Starting next weekI stead of doing one horse riding lesson on a Wednesday morning I will be spending half the day out there Which means I get to do two lessons One on my own And I also get to help out in the stables And the care of the horses I don't have words to describe how excited I am to be spending more time at the stables The horses The people The trainers Everything comes together to make it such a special place I am just so happy when I am out there I park my troubles at the gateI get up on StarAnd I just ride There is nothing going on in my head Other than how much I am enjoying itThe horses have been a life line for meI can't emphasize how important it is to find healthy replacements for dangerous habits and behaviours I have tried going cold turkey 'White knuckling' it as they say Trying to get through on sheer will power alone Will power will get you so far But we need to find reasons to stay wellOr stay clean and sober As I'm sure every addict whose ever attempted recovery knows Giving up drugs is one part Probably the easier part The hard part is trying to figure out how to get through life without relying on substances In my case I was lucky In that I got the chance to do a methadone programme And that has worked for meAgain I was lucky in that I had the opportunity to move areaAnd get away from my old using life I had a fresh startAnd even though moving is not the answer It helped me enormously Learning to live in reality was my biggest hurdle I had spent so long numbing myself with drugs, pills, food and lack of foodI couldn't handle reality At least my own realityI found life boring Especially given the drama and the rollercoaster of emotions that ensued in addiction and disordered eating Getting used to life on life's terms is not easy The need to escape is huge Even now I use sleep as an escape Well heyThat's pretty anodyne compared to injecting class A's in to your neckI do love sleep though I love to dream Even the not so nice dreams are funAs you wake up and realize that it was in fact just a dream
Anyway I keep going off on tangents here But I do have a dilemma And need your helpIt's not life or death or anything like it OkSo I bought a coat during the weekThat cost €90Then today In the post I received a letter in the list from the guards Informing me that I had been caught speeding 70km in a 50km zone With a fine of €80Here in lies my dilemmaShould I return the coat and pay my fine?Or should I keep said coat and save up money over the next couple of weeks to pay the fine?I kind of feel like I don't deserve the coat   That I should pay in some waySo I'd be interested to know what you thinkTo keep or not to keep the coatThat is the question.....