Self Worth - Pt 1

Since starting this blog nearly five years ago now, I have been witness to a huge rise in the number of positive posts from women surrounding self image, body confidence and the like. And I think it’s great, I really do. Some of the girls I saw start out around the same time as me – Callie and Megs just to name a few - have done amazingly well and have shone not only on an individual level where I have seen them grow both in confidence and as women, but also on a level where they have been able to provide a voice – stand as role models -  for those out there who still feel like they need to worry not only about the way they look, but about the general way they are perceived by the entire population.

Now I am going to make an admission here – I am often one of those ‘other’ women (in truth I suspect most of us are or have at least been at one time or another), for whom ‘finding yourself’ - as cliché as it may sound - isn’t just something teenagers find themselves faced with whilst in the wild midst of youth - it's something 27 year olds have to deal with too - people of any age in fact - and it isn’t always a one off process. Sometimes people need to rebuild and figure things out again and again before getting it right.  And, despite knowing that I am a successful person; that I’m generally likeable, not unattractive – that in reality I’m actually pretty awesome - sometimes that’s not the person I see staring back at me in the mirror. More often that not in fact,  I still question myself on a daily basis as to whether I will ever be ‘good' enough – whether I will match up to the picture I have in my own head of how I’ve been conditioned to feel I am‘supposed’ to be.

That’s not to say that there haven’t been periods of time where I have felt invincible – like the confident, independent, ‘go out and get ‘em’ woman that I aspire to be. However, of late, I’ve suffered a few knock backs, and so, as is to be expected I suppose  – my self confidence has felt a little shattered. Something as small as a works Christmas do, which, twelve months ago I would have been raring to dig out my glad rags for, actually has me feeling nervous as hell and I’m not even sure why. I think feeling wanted has a lot to do with it though. No matter how many people tell you how ‘perfect’ and ‘gorgeous’ you are – if the one you want to hear it from isn’t saying it then I guess sometimes it just fails to register. And, despite knowing how ridiculous that sounds, sometimes your brain simply fails to cooperate in exploring the possibility that it may not be matter of fact.

And this is why I’m writing this – because that’s something I am determined to change.

Everyone has heard the old cliché – you have to learn to love yourself before you can learn to love anyone else, though I’m not so sure I agree. I think sometimes, you just have to realize that other people do already love you and that they don’t want you to change – that their words aren’t throwaway compliments – they’re sincere and heartfelt. You have to realise, that these are the people who are worth taking notice of – the ones that you can rely on to support you, stick by you and hammer home to you even when you’re having an off day, how wonderful you are. 

There are always the ones who won’t do this – who don’t have it in them to do it. The ones who will brush aside your insecurities and have you think you’re mad for feeling them to begin with, who will ‘measure’ your worth, your love – as if that’s even possible - by their own ridiculous standards. But they’re the ones you don’t need in your life even if you do want them in it. And in such cases, it’s actually those people that need to change if they ever want to stand any chance of being let back in.

Surround yourself with positive people as the saying goes, and you’ll already be half way there when it comes to the battle of recognising your true worth.

The other half? Well, that’s down to you. Start again and build from the bottom up - realize you can achieve anything you want to without needing the approval or backing of anyone. None of us are ‘perfect’, we, all of us, are only ever ‘works in progress’, so don’t strive for perfection, don’t look to ‘better’ yourself in order to become  what someone else wants you to be – look to accept yourself for who you are. And there, I believe, you will find true happiness in every aspect of life that is made available to you.
Sarah x