Reading About Recovery

Thank you all for your comments on my last post
You made a lot of good points
And made a lot of sense
My writing, my blog and my state of mind has changed a lot over the past few months
There has been so much change
And it's been tricky to adjust to that
So I'm sure some readers maybe didn't like the change
I was so entrenched in my eating disorder
It was all I wrote about
Day in
Day out
My life had shrunk to just me and my ED
It was all consuming
Now things are different here, over in eating disorder land
I have dipped my toe in to recovery
And have found that maybe, just maybe
There is a way out for me
At the moment I am writing a lot about the things I am doing now I am trying recover
Maybe some people don't want to read that
Maybe people liked reading about my struggles because it is more interesting that reading about recovery
Maybe readers who followed my blog from the start, can't relate to me anymore
Maybe it's upsetting for them to read about some one in recovery
It makes me sad to think that people would rather read about the negative
Rather than the positive
I realize that reading about the extreme highs and lows of life with an ED can make for more dramatic and interesting reading
Recovery can be boring
It can be monotonous
So I understand if that's why some people unfollowed me
But I have to write what is real to me
And at the moment my life revolves around trying to get well
I used to engage in behaviours and write about them
I guess it does make for juicy reading
But why do we want to read about the bad rather than the good?
I say we because I include myself in that too
I have been guilty of being a voyeur
Of watching someone's life implode
And feeling not so alone
And reassured that my life wasn't that bad
Now I tend to read more recovery based blogs
Because I can relate to them more
Reading about weight loss and dieting is just too triggering for me at the moment
There is so much negativity on the internet
It's so refreshing to read something positive
Maybe some people just can't relate to me any more
And that's why they have unfollowed me
I get that
Now that I am trying to recover
I have stopped reading blogs that I find triggering or upsetting
It was a hard thing to do
As I really cared for some of these people
But I have to do what is right for me and my recovery
They say you have to be a lit selfish in recovery
Maybe selfish is the wrong word
You have to look after yourself
And put your needs first
I find this incredibly hard to do
I am always thinking of others
And tend to put my own needs last
But again that is people pleasing
And that is absolutely exhausting
I have to do what is right for me
I have to make sure that I am ok
I guess my ego is a little bruised
I took the unfollows quite personally
I am very open on this blog
I really don't hide anything apart from my real name and my weight
Because I think it's nice to keep something for myself
But apart from that nothing is off limits
Maybe that is putting myself in a vulnerable position
But I know no other way
I need to be honest
And don't see the point is sugar coating things
Eating disorders are a life and death issue
It's that serious
I suppose I can get caught up in the stats of this blog
The amount of followers and hits I get
I think it's because I can get obsessive about numbers
Why?
I'm not so sure
At the end of the day
I am just glad to have people who read these words
And leave comments of hope and love
For those who have stuck by me through thick and thin (literally)
For those who leave comments and emails
For those who wish me well
And cheer me on as I try to recover
For those who are silent readers
And those who are genuinely happy for me
I thank you
Sincerely
And from the bottom of my heart
I won't name you all
You know who you are
It makes my heart swell to know that people are reading
And taking the time to leave some love
Your beautiful words give me faith in humanity
They truly make my day
So thank you to you
And you
And you
And you.........
I was wondering about you
Do you prefer to read about life with an eating disorder?
Or life recovering?
And why?