R is for Recovery!

Recovery is an obvious choice for the letter RBut it's also an important one The main thing about recovery Is that it's about progress not perfectionAnd I am so glad for that Because I certainly have not perfected recovery Who has?My recovery from drugs started as long as ten years agoI've had many slips and relapses since thenAnd now have about a year of continuous recoverySince my last relapse early last yearMy recovery from my ED started two years agoAfter I came out of treatment for the umpteenth timeBut again It most definitely has not been a straight road There have been an awful lot of bumps in the road for meAnd some might argue that I am not in recovery at all As I still purge Albeit a whole lot less than I was two years ago But bulimia still raises its ugly head from time to time The thing is That I am doing my level best To stay saneAnd improve my physical and mental health I'm striving for a better life For me and my family 
It's taken me a long time to get to the ponit where I wanted to recoverIn the midst of the illnessRecovery seems nigh on impossible It wasn't something that I wanted to explore And I deliberately avoided anything to do with recovery But there came a point Where I was just not willing to lose any more of my life to my addiction/EDWhere the negatives drastically outweighed the positivesI wasn't living I was hanging on by my finger nails to life But now I am so glad I managed to pull myself out of the rabbit hole And am even sorry that I didn't do it years ago It seems that as quickly as things can tankThey can also turn around just as quickly I can categorically tell you That there is life after ED and addictionI know that recovery can seem so far awayAnd sometimes it is But it starts with the first stepThat first leap of faith That is the most difficult partBut once you get going I promise you There will be no stopping youBaby steps all the wayAs I always sayBaby steps soon add up to be great strides And breaking it down in to small bite size chunks is much more manageable
As well as improving health and mental healthAs well as weight restoration and all the health benefits that come with that Recovery also opens up new opportunitiesI've done so many things in recoveryThat I would never have had the confidence or the courage to do in the midst of my illnessI went on my first date I joined classes I started going to meetings againI began horse ridingWhich has quickly turned in to a passionI've done interviews for different publications So many wonderful things can happen If you can just open your mind And your heart And take that first step away from the illnessIn my EDIt was like being in a prison With meagre food portions And a punishing exercise routine There is nothing enjoyable about living with an ED Even the benefits it promises Weight loss Never works out As the goal posts always shift
Today is a good dayThis morning I am going in to see the manager of the holiday centre Remember the job I applied for?She rang me yesterday And asked me to go in for a chat So that is exciting I'm really hoping something comes of itAnd this afternoon I am starting my course IT and communications I don't know if I'll be able to do it allBut I will give it a go And see how I get on I still want to leave time for horse ridingThe dogs blogging And my appointments of course As these things are the foundation of my recovery I have faith though That it will all work out the way it's supposed to And that's the lovely thing about recovery Things seem to all of a sudden fall in to place One day everything is up in the air And the next it's all slotting together like a jigsaw puzzle
In other news I went horse riding yesterday Myself and one of the lads are being entered in a competition A dressage show On May 1stIt's basically a routine with the horse Walking TrottingFollowing a course We went through it twice yesterdayIf you remember last weekStar was no co operating with me He was very reluctant to trot So I was given a whip yesterday Just to give him a little tap to start offAnd lo and behold He began to trot when I tapped himWe are rough diamonds myself and StarBut we are slowly but surely forming a little bond And finding out way At one point when we were trotting Star began to go really fast Cantering It was amazing!I loved it!So much fun!I just wish I could do it more often I feel on such a high after riding And the time always goes way too quickly And this The horse riding Is only possible by my being somewhat wellI wouldn't be able for it if I was underweight and struggling I wouldn't trade all the things in my life for a skinny body No way Maybe it's that in getting older I turn 35 this year And I guess I was bound to grow up at some stage And an ED is so life and soul draining That the older you get The sicker you get And the harder it is to find recovery I know I'm blessed I have an amazing family behind me Super duper professionals Who as a teamHave helped me massively And pancreatitis aside I've come out of my ED relatively unscathed Also economic factors I have a secure comfortable place to live I don't really have to worry about money And those things are massiveSo all in allRecovery is worth A hundred times over I just wish I could give you a little piece of the happiness I have found It's finally happening for meI am recovering.....