One of the finest things a heterosexual male can achieve in his sexual career, the height of his career, the tallest peak one can bag in the towering Game Range, is to pick up two females at once and engage in sexual activities with both of them.
Of course you can pay women to do this as prostitutes, and rich men more or less buy women for this very purpose, but to me it’s even better if you pick them up or better yet, they pick you up (how it usually works) more or less for free simply because you are so damn hot, the hottest guy in the building, the club, or the house, that a female and her best friend just can’t help both of them grabbing your hot little bad boy ass at once so they can have Mr. Hottie to play with, share, and even pass around like candy.
Once you’ve done that, once you’ve climbed Mount Two Women at Once, there’s not much else to do in your sexual career. Everything else, no matter how hot or accomplished, feels just a tiny bit like leftovers. Sure you can warm them up, but they’re never quite the same as they were straight out of the oven.
Two at once is the high life: it’s a six course meal at a five star hotel, sniffing coke from a rolled hundred, flying to Paris for brunch.
Two at once is peak masculinity: it’s rolling your own smokes, Scotch on the rocks, dying with your boots on.
There are studs and then there are studs. And then there are the guys who get two chicks at once. They’re Beyond Studliness, over there on that other planet we can barely make out through our foggiest dreams and murkiest fantasies.
You do it and you get the feeling that in a way, it’s all over. And not in a bad way. I mean you do that once and you sit back and think, “You know what? I could die tomorrow, and I’d die happy, with a smile on my face for a life well-lived. You’ve done all any man ever really needs or wants to do in life. You didn’t just win the World Cup of Sex, you kicked ass on the whole damn Sexual Marketplace of the World.
You’ve nabbed your our own damned kingdom, and you’re the lord of all things there. Pretty maidens surround you dropping garlands and offering bunches of grapes on their fingertips.
It’s all good.
Two Women at Once (Part 1)
Age 24, 1982, movie stars for a weekend. One time I was in bed with my best friend, his girlfriend, age 23, and the girlfriend’s totally hot 19 year old sister. My friend was fucking his girlfriend and messing with the sister, but my friend’s girlfriend would not let me touch her. I fucked the 19 year old though. So it was me and the 19 year old having sex on one side of the bed and my best friend and his girl on the other side of the bed. Even better, it was at a killer million $ mansion in Hollywood Hills of some well-known Hollywood movie director. We were house-sitting for him.
Two Girls at Once (Part 2)
Age 17, 1974, or long ago in another world: I remember once I got these two girls, one was 15 and the other was 16. It was some church bullshit learning about sex ed so of course I used it to pick up the two best girls in the group. We messed around half the night playing flirtatious games and then ended up in sleeping bags on the floor of the fucking church.
I kept messing around with the girls attacking them trying to reach my hands inside their bags to feel them up and they kept fighting me off. The stupid youth leader was pissed at me for having fun and he kept coming over to us telling us to knock it off and ordering and threatening me not to mess with the girls sexually. Finally everyone went to sleep and I grabbed the 15 year old Mexican girl and had sex with her right there in the church lol.
Then the next day I spent most of the day with one girl on each arm. I would go somewhere where a lot of other kids and the leader could see us and I would turn to one girl and kiss her really hard and then turn to the other one and kiss her really hard too and they would both rub their hands all over me at once lol! It was a blast man!
Two Women at Once (Part 3)
Age 25, 1983, memory dimly gazed through a haze of marijuana smoke: There was one other time I picked up two girls after a concert. We were going from the concert to this popular hangout in downtown LA where all the punkers went late at night. I was walking with this group and I looked to either side of me and there was a woman on either side, one 19 and one 18, and I just reached out with both of my arms and put my arms around both of them, just like that!
They both went for it totally and were very happy with walk arm in arm with me. I had two girls! Two girls at once! Yay! And I went home with them, but one insisted she was a lesbian so she wouldn’t fuck. It was one of the craziest scenes of my life.
Postscript
Over there, in that field, beyond good and evil, is the Man with Two Women at Once. Head full of hubris, he strides headstrong into the moonlight.
He will walk free tonight.
