Pro Ana

I've seen my doctor
I've seen my psychiatrist
I've rang the treatment centre
I've told Mary of my decision
Now I play the waiting game
These things take time and at some point I will have to go to Dublin for an assessment
If I could, I would go in tomorrow
Things are that bad
Yesterday I perused around some pro ana blogs
Just out of curiosity
I understand that most of these girls are young and naive but it is really rather sick
I can't believe that a lot of these girls have a bona fide ED because if they did they wouldn't wish what they are going through on anyone
When I started this blog I think my writing was on the verge of being pro ana
But that didn't last long as it just didn't sit right with me
Sometimes I see a blog post of someone trying to lose weight and lots of comments telling them to 'Stay strong' and to 'Think thin'
Surely we should be encouraging each other to be happy in our own skin
Surely we have learned by now that skinny does not equal happiness or success
Since I started this blog I have never made a comment to anyone encouraging  them to lose weight
It goes against everything that I believe in
It seems that Lot of these pro ana girls really want to have an ED
I just can't fathom this at all
Well if you do want to develop an ED stay tuned as we have a fabulous offer just for today
For the small price of your sanity, your health and your soul , you too can be skinny
You can be popular and loved
People will envy you
Boys will want to go out with you
Girls will want to be you
The only thing that you have to do is not eat
Easy right?
For the first few days restricting you will feel a hunger that you've never felt before
You will think about food all day and dream about it at night
You will start to become light headed and dizzy
Every time you stand up you will see stars
Over time your hunger will vanish
You feel strong and powerful
High almost
The weight falls off you and you have never felt so good
People comment on your new shape and you fit in to your favorite skinny jeans
Life is good
Your confidence  will sky rocket and you will feel thin and beautiful
You will constantly feel your bones, they are like trophies for all your hard work
You've never felt so happy
But gradually things  will begin to crumble
Now when you look in the mirror all you can see is fat
Even though the number on the scale is going down, you will still feel huge
You begin to withdraw from family and friends
They scale becomes both a friend and an enemy
Along with the weight, you will feel like you are losing your mind
Physically  you will look a mess
You look pale and gaunt
Your hair is falling out
Your skin is papery
Your eyes are black and hollow
Depression and anxiety will creep in
Nothing matters anymore
Your ED  and weight are the only things that you care about
Your family begin to get worried about your ever shrinking frame
But it doesn't matter
Nothing matters
You can't stop even if you wanted to do
And the you will never get the one thing that you desire the most, thinness because you will never believe that you are thin enough
Then one day you break
The hunger is unbearable and you can't stand it an minute
On auto pilot you will go to the supermarket
You will walk around filling your bag with all the foods that you have forbidden
You walk out of the shop with a bag full of binge food
When you get home you eat and eat
Eat, purge, eat, purge, eat, purge..........
You can't stop
You don't know how
This is your life now
You are on a treadmill
Running and running but getting no where
You are so miserable
So lonely
So sick and tired
But you still can't stop
This could go on for years if you are lucky enough that it doesn't kill you before then
Your health will suffer
Your mental health will really suffer
You will become a shell of a person
Living a half life somewhere between life and death
This is what you have to look forward to if you develop an ED
So go ahead
Sign up today
Sell your soul to the devil
Living with an ED is not glamorous
It's not romantic
It's not about being thin
It's a deadly illness that has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
If you are looking for something
If you are trying to fill a hole in your life
If you are lonely or depressed or anxious
Losing weight is not the answer
It will not bring you happiness or success or popularity
If you develop an ED you will be lucky to make it out alive
What do you think of pro ana?
Have you ever been part of it?
What do you think pro ana means?