Lisa FOS writes:
I always get a bit skeptical about people (of any sex) claiming to being able to pick 100% of GLBTI ones. Except in some areas where there are large concentrations most GBTI people keep themselves very undercover in general society and most have become adept at hiding and fitting in. Chances are you have met a fair few GLBTI people without ever realizing it.
I can’t pick them out everywhere, but after a bit of close contact, it is often not that difficult because they usually reveal themselves to me.
Gay men are pretty easy to spot if you have a close enough interaction with them, generally a face to face interaction that lasts at least a minute or two. And any reaction more extended than that is quite simple, especially if you see them every day for a few weeks or a month or two. Most other guys can’t get it, but I can. That is because I am almost an expert at reading people. I can nearly read minds at this point.
A woman who likes men (straight or bi) during a close enough interaction with them, generally a face to face interaction that lasts at least a minute or two, gives of a sort of “heterosexual signaling”:
It says,
“Hi, I am a woman. You are a man. And I like men!”
That’s really all it says. It doesn’t even mean she likes me and it certainly doesn’t mean she wants to fuck me.
To me it simply signals that she is heterosexual.
I think I probably react this way to most females automatically, as I find myself in sort of a sexual mode with any close interaction with most females, even fat and homely ones! I do not know why I do it with fat and homely ones, but I think it is simply the fact that they are female, after all, and my mind automatically reacts to any mature female like this. The signal must look something like:
“Hi, I am a man. You are a woman. And I like women!”
Except that I never really think about it and it seems to come on almost automatically without my even being aware of it.
Now I can turn this off if I want to, and of course I do around my mother, sister and other close female relatives. Also I might do it say if I was visiting my friend and he had a beautiful girlfriend, and I did not want it to seem like I was turned on by his girlfriend. Just a matter of respect. I also might try to turn it off with very young teenage girls. They are of course a little interesting, but I can’t touch them, and I don’t even really want to. And I don’t want to have those feelings around them, so I sort of shut them down.
I have noticed that lesbians in many cases simply do not give off this basic primitive sexual signaling –
“Hi, I am a woman. You are a man. And I like men!”.
You simply don’t get that vibe, and why would they send it out anyway?
At times I get what looks like a stone wall of black ice, an icy glacier staring me in the face, a wall of sheer hate.
With others, it is not that intense, but there is a sort of “What the Hell do you want anyway?” along with stone faces and a general standoffish air. This is often in a store she is running apparently with her girlfriend, so it doesn’t seem to be good business, but maybe this stuff is so subconscious it is hard to turn off.
Other lesbians act like you are not even there.
With other lesbians, they might be friendly, but it only goes so far, and there is a bit of a distance and even hostility there, an edge, sort of like, “Sure I like you, but not like that! Don’t get any ideas!” Or at some point, your friendliness seems run up against a barrier as they throw up a wall that says, “Stop! Go no further!”
Some lesbians can be normal and friendly, but those are more likely to still have some heterosexual interest. These are usually younger ones in their early 20’s. I have recently met some lesbians aged 13-27, and they were quite friendly. Maybe the young ones are getting friendlier.
But the stone icy wall, the short hair, and breast cancer pink ribbon, and statue-like face, ok Shirley, I get the picture.
A lot of lesbians for whatever reason seem like they simply do not like men. I will leave it to others to figure out why that might be.
Some females are hard to figure out. They seem cold and lifeless, like robots. They don’t seem to give off lesbian vibes, but you can’t tell if they like men either. They don’t seem to give off any sexual energy at all. They simply seem to be cold, stony and shut-down people who are hard to figure out or get close to.
I can usually spot a gay man if I have a close enough interaction with them, generally a face to face interaction that lasts at least a minute or two. If I am working with the guy every day in office, it is trivial to figure them out. I feel like most of these guys aren’t fooling anyone. They sure aren’t fooling me.
First of all, many gay men are effeminate to one degree or another. It’s a stereotype, but it’s true. I have run across it countless times in the past, and I continue to see it to this day. A lot of straight men are not very masculine, and quite a few are out and out wimpy, but most straight men are not really effeminate in the way a gay man is. The straight men are more soft, gentle, sensitive and wimpy while the gay man tends to have more of that overt effeminacy.
Any effeminate man immediately sets off my alarm bells with me. I usually do not label them gay, and of course I would never call them that to their face. I would not even ask them if they are or not as I think that is horribly rude. Instead, I put a great big question mark by him in my brain. Then as I interact with him more and more, the question mark either fades away or strengthens to a conviction.
if I have a close enough interaction with them, generally a face to face interaction that lasts at least a minute or two, I typically get the same vibe that a woman who likes men gives off, with a variation:
“Hi, I am a man. You are a man. And I like men!”
It looks exactly the same except a man is giving it off instead of a woman. This is probably operating at such an unconscious level that he is not even aware of it.
It can escalate from there. But that is usually enough to clinch it for me.
A straight man will almost never give this vibe:
“Hi, I am a man. You are a man. And I like men!”
They just never do. Their vibe is completely different, but it is a vibe that has all sexuality completely removed from it. Straight men just don’t usually generate sexual energy towards other guys. Sometimes they do, but I might save that for another post.
If I am working with a gay man, he will usually start giving off this vibe, except a lot more intense:
“Hi, I am a man. You are a man. And I like men!”
Also he will be markedly effeminate. And if you look carefully, you will notice that even when surrounded by women, he never looks at them. I had a gay boss once, and there were all these beautiful women in the office. To him they were part of the furniture. Another man who I suspect was a closeted gay (fake bisexual) would be sitting in the room with us. A beautiful woman would walk in and he would not even look up. Women were like ghosts to him.
I haven’t spent considerable time around any gay man who has fooled me yet, but maybe I am better than others at this sort of thing.
If you think about it, this sort of thing (:
“Hi, I am a man. You are a man. And I like men!”
and
“Hi, I am a woman. You are a man. And I like men!”
along with others we have not delved into here like:
“Hi, I am a man. You are a woman. And I like women!”
and
“Hi, I am a woman. You are a woman. And I like women!”
might be thought of as “primitive sexual signaling.” These humans are simply signaling their sexual orientation to another human upon meeting them for a nontrivial interaction. It is probably most unconscious and may well go back to cave man days. And it is logical. After all, I understand that animals, especially dogs and cats, often go through elaborate nonverbal signaling gestures when they come face to face with another of their species.
So when we are having a brief interaction of a minute or more with another human, we are probably doing more than taking care of business or shooting the breeze. We may well be signaling on a most primitive level who we are and what we like, consciously or not.
