I’ve been interested in the issue of hiding and its effect on the personality for transgender individuals for some time and have had a poll going on my website to ask questions about it. Even though the results have been “open”, not all results are visible (the text answers), so I’ve now closed the poll and am publishing the results here. It’s a four question poll. It was up from April 2011 till Sept 2013.
1. Was your family aware of your gender variance when you were growing up?
# of responses %
they were not aware of it 24 33%
not sure, probably not 16 22%
not sure, probably were 18 25%
they were aware of it 14 19%
2. For how long did you keep your gender variance secret from those closest to you?
# of responses %
I never hid it 10 14%
Less than a year <1 5 7%
one to five years 1-5 3 4%
five to ten years 5-10 2 3%
ten to twenty years 10-20 26 38%
more than twenty years >20 23 33%
3. If you actively hid your gender variance, what do you think the positive (if any) effects were on you?
# of responses %
I didn’t hide it from others 10 15%
Hiding my gender variance had no positive effects on me 47 72%
Other: 8 12%
(text results for “other)
“Passing as cisgender normal allowed me to use male privilege and advantages.”
“It gave me time to figure things out, and prepare for negative reactions. “
“I didn’t have to fight for treatment before I was grown up and able to figh “
“This action has given me time to understand myself better.”
“Kept me safe “
“I have had a very satisfying family life. “
“i kept friends and family”
“Independence”
4. If you actively hid your gender variance, what do you think the negative (if any) effects were on you?
# of responses %
I didn’t hide it from others 10 23%
Hiding my gender variance had no negative effect on me 5 11%
Other: 29 66%
(text results for “other)
“suppressed sociability”
“Huge”
“it almost killed me”
“I was lonely and in denial”
“Living life as someone I wasn’t has hurt me emotionally.”
“depression, anxiety”
“delayed transition, disastrous personal relationships, low self-esteem”
“regret because I did not hide it as well as I thought I had”
“I am always questioning my own perception of reality”
“bad coping mechanism, burnout, acute stress disorder and in the end job loss”
“Anxiety, Fits of Rage, Not feeling right between the brain and the body “
“Feeling more alone.”
“it has caused me to be alone and asexual”
“Mental & physical stress”
“low self-esteem, not comfortable as self, suppressed personality”
“always worried someone would find out and ridicule me”
“i felt like my relationships weren’t solid with the people i cared about”
“Terrible dysphoria and guilt late in life”
“It cost me a lot of my life”
“trauma, depression, self-loathing, distrust, anxiety”
“Got dpressed”
“low self esteem, anxiety, depression”
“plentifold of which emotional isolation had the biggest impact”
“Inability to express oneself.”
“I wasn’t me”
“My more dysphoria due to people calling me she”
“lonliness”
“No feedback, therefore no dealing with problem”
“emotional dishonesty”
