I have been so tearful, lately…
I am so siked about the day I see my daughter, I keep thinking about the moment I see her, and then, the moment I shall have to leave her again. I really know I won’t desire to do so. ( For those who don’t know… we are adopting soon, and we have several pre-placements visits coming up, so please pray for us.) I am almost finally here. The DAY is quickly approaching…On this Friday in about two days, I will meet with our adoption worker to set up her visits. I am like, so amazingly ready, yet nervous, I cannot stand it!
I was in church tonight and every word just fell on my ears giving praise to God. It’s like my tears were praise to God. I was talking to my husband about her today and was laughing and praising God at the same time. I hear words in my head, sometimes, swirling around , saying: ” But what if it just doesn’t work? What if you are not a match? But they are mere words. I can choose to ignore them. There’s another side of me, that has AMAZING faith. It says what God has for us, it is for us! There’s another side that says : “Remember what God has spoken into your heart,( and there has been plenty) … and another, that says: ” Have you no t heard, haven you not seen?…” Isaiah 40:21-31
28Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
29He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
30Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
31Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
You know, I really don’t think outside of faith, much.
I just cannot fathom something I have been waiting for very patiently for about 25 years will disappoint me, or not materialize. I know, I am sorta crazy like that. I suppose it’s called “crazy faith”. I get excited when God has a chance to show Himself strong, in my life. But that’s okay, I receive it’s challenges. Not everyone has it, but if anyone has faith, it’s me, that does.
I kind of like having crazy faith. When you know it’s how God uses you, and allows your purpose to prevail… you just tend LEAN INTO IT… you tend to use it more widely and more openly you decide to share more… because your being vulnerable, makes be AWESOMELY BIG!!
I was at church tonight and this baby girl kept staring at me. Dancing before my eyes so much, she made me cry. She wouldn’t take her eyes off me! I mean she was looking around people bending her head and playing with me, as if she was saying: “She’s coming!” and playfully laughing and playing with my JOY. I was so glad I went to church. My girlfriends say they are going to have me shower – (imagine that)! For a ten-year old! I am not sure what that will look like, but I am so grateful it shall be.
So in the meantime, I just keep feeling so full of tears, and so full of joy and just smiling and tearing up just daydreaming about seeing her for the first time, and spending time with her doing small things and big ones, too. I was just telling a few women last week, how I keep my joy full… and I really didn’t realize I was encouraging myself int he process, but what i was doing surprised even me! I was doing what Abraham would call: ” hoping against hope’. The scripture, in Rom 4:18 is ” Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations…” ( That was enough for me! I can put my name in there to read: ” Jennifer, who against hope believed in hope that she might become the mother… (of many nations.)” I studied this word tonight, and the first kind of hope Abraham was a “fearful-kind of hope”. Hope – here, actually means the expectation of evil,…” The second kind of hope he had, in this sentence, meant the same, but in a different way, it meant “author of hope”.
That is like, so COOL to me!
That one can “author hope” for the unbelieving.
That’s the kind of faith Abraham had. Faith that birthed a Nation.
Pretty honorable, huh?
Well, if He can be that, maybe me too. So be it.
Everyone needs to Lean In, to unbelief sometimes. How else would we make it, unless we did? how else would Sarah, after waiting some seventy years, plus, or me.. twenty years plus, be able to still endure had we not faith that pushed us into another realm of believing God?
If this passage blesses you, please (click here); and leave me a hope message, below or leave a message at the link, and let me know. I would love to pray for ya. ( wink, wink.)
Peace and Love, Jenn
