I am one of those weird people who actually love going to the gym.
I love the monotony, predictability, routine and perfectly air-conditioned rooms devoid of middle-aged men speed cycling around in spandex outfits two sizes too small.
Ever since I was eighteen I have maintained a respectable gym presence and over those years I have witnessed a rather colorful assortment of people come and go.
But regardless of what town, city, state or country I am in there is ALWAYS that one gym guy who stands in the mirror captivated by his own perfect reflection (his opinion not mine).
Mum I’m sorry and I know you told me never to say this…but I HATE that guy.
Is his right arm bigger than his left?
I swear to god, his idea of a workout is seeing how many different mirrors he can capture his reflection in at the same time. I’m surprised he doesn’t get whip lash.
Guys like this remind me of those male pigeons you see on the street. The ones that run around fanning their tails up in the air in front of the lady pigeons, but the lady pigeons just walk on by laughing, or chipping, or whatever it is they do. Male pigeon NEVER wins.
Not a chance
And since when is it okay not to wear shoelaces? As far as I am concerned, shoelaces are cool! Not to mention a vital aspect of keeping your shoes on. Especially if you partake in activities like… oh, I don’t know…going to the gym!
But that’s right; they actually don’t do any activities at the gym. They just stand there picking things up and putting them down again.
Amazing!
So what brought this little rant on?
Yesterday, I was working away on my favorite elliptical when flashy pants over there (his new name) decided to see what this cardio business was all about. Unfortunately, the only elliptical free was the one next to mine.
Perhaps the tight shirt prevented blood from reaching his brain, but he clearly had no idea what the function of a ‘Level’ button was.
So while I am on Level 15, flash pants decides to maintain a Level 1 and takes off like a gazelle. Huffing and puffing but never breaking a sweet, he looks over at me with this smug look like ‘pfft I am going so much faster than that twenty-something year old over there”.
Firstly, don’t look at my elliptical.
Secondly, you have burnt maybe 10 calories. I have burnt at least 20 million (or somewhere there about)!
And why do you have to come over here and compete with me on my turf? I would never come over to your side of the gym and try to out-stare you in the mirror. You can have that. That is yours. Just leave the ellipticals alone!
Seems fair to me
So to prove a point I made sure I outlasted him on this little elliptical challenge of ours and I dare say, he won’t be trying it again anytime soon.
Today my legs are killing me. I can hardly walk. My roomie tells me that the pain is just weakness escaping the body, but I can’t for the life of me imagine where I was hiding THIS much weakness. It was totally worth it though.
