It’s been awhile since I’ve had one of those crappy runs. I mean “crappy” in the most literal sense. Here I was all full of myself because that I had no GI issues while in Mexico. Then I come home, eat a huge Five Guys burger on Friday night and attempt a 4 mile time trial run on Saturday morning. I am advising you to not attempt this. EVER.
Yes, this burger may look all sweet, juicy and innocent, but watch out.
It has the power to destroy you.
{If you are not familiar with a time trial, one basically goes all out for the allotted distance, then record your time. I can’t say I’ve ever done one of these for running before. It’s a great gauge of progress over time (i.e., do a time trial today then do it again in 3 months and see where you are). This is the benefit of training with a group and coaches. You learn new things all of the time}.
The Fast Forward coaches told us to try to not burn out. I really wanted to not die at the end and keep up my speed. They gave some good advice like “embrace discomfort” and remember that just because you want to stop doesn’t mean you should stop.
Mile 1: 8:07
Mile 2: 8:00
Mile 3: 8:10
Mile 4: 7:46
I’d like to say that the reason I got speedier in that last mile was because I was feeling so strong. No. The reason was that at mile 2.5 my stomach started cramping so badly I broke out into a sweat and wanted to double over on the path and cry for my mommy. The only reason I didn’t was that I was with a group. If I had been by myself, I would have been in the fetal position. See? A group does hold you accountable.
By mile 3.5 things were starting to get ugly. I needed a bathroom and I needed it fast (hence the increase in speed). With only a half mile to go I wasn’t giving up, but I wanted some relief. This is the part where I remind you (and myself for the 90th time) to not trust a fart. Yes, you might get some relief, but you also might get a little chaser you were not intending. Ugh. Then all you can think about is if someone knows what you have just done (hangs head in shame).
I finished up and while my friend Leigh was singing the praises of this new “sport” tampon she found (“I swear,” she exclaimed loudly, “It really stays in!”). I was trying to tell her I needed to clean up quick. That’s when I do that little crazy run you do sometimes where you are trying to run whilst clenching and holding things together.
After that fiasco and a quick clean up, I had another 6 miles to run. Ken joined me for that part. Suffice it to say that every .75 miles I had to stop (thank God for construction and lots of porta potties). Finally by mile 4, my colon and I gave up and I had Ken get the car. I am not sure what was going on with my stomach. Probably this equation: Mexico + 5 Guys Burger = Shitty Run.
By the way, here’s what Leigh was talking about:
I like how they “gently expand to your unique shape.” Such a flowery way of putting it.
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Last fiasco you had on a run?
Do you prefer running with or without a group? I am really torn on this one. I like the support and camaraderie of like minded people, but sometimes I just want to be with myself or one good friend. I do a mixture.
Tampax or Playtex? I am a Tampax girl, but only while exercising. The rest of the time it is pads for me because I had Toxic Shock and am not supposed to wear tampons…oops
SUAR
