Nervous Nelly....

Today is Saturday Which means the tv show is being recorded the day after tomorrowAnd boy am I a nervous nelly My heart flutters every time I think of speaking in front of so many peopleI am afraid that these peopleFamily members And professionalsAre going to look to me for all the answersAnd I'm not sure if I have themOr even if I have any
I haven't really been prepped for this discussion on MondayI meanI had a conversation with Dyna the presenter/ producerAnd she outlined what the discussion will center aroundI am worried that I will either babble on like a raving lunaticOt completely freezeAnd won't be able to utter a word I know the other people involved in the discussion are the mother of an eleven year old girl that is suffering with an EDA psychiatristAnd the director of an eating disorder clinicI know I will be asked what advice I can give the mother of the young girlAnd I've been thinking about it a lotMy disorder developed when I was about 19So to all intents and purposes I was an adultSo I haven't experienced my ED as a childOf course the age does not matterBut I do think itv makes a difference that this girl is a minorAnd her parents are responsible for herSo I'm sure they're doing everything in their power to help their daughterBut the reality isThat no one can make you eatNo matter how hard they try
Eleven years old is so youngAnd it's such a complicated illnessThat I'm sure this poor child does not even understand what is happening to herBut she is not starving herself because she is a happy well adjusted childSomething is going on thereAnd somehow she has got the message that if she doesn't eatThis will somehow help her situationI'm sure her and get parents are locked in a battle of willsAnd it becomes a competition to see who can hold on the longest On this child mindHer parents have now become the enemyAnd the disorder has become her friend In a child's world It's as simple as that
EDs change the most well mannered polite person in to a lying, cheating manipulative and difficult personIt's a lot like living with an addictThe addiction takes overAnd to the addictNothing else mattersOnly the drug Or the EDSo how do we go about helping do robe with an ED?How does a family navigate the choppy waters that are anorexia or bulimia First offI think we need to recognize that the disorder fulfills a need in the personThe person is getting some sort of pay offWhether it be controlAttentionThe perfect figureRelief of anxietyOften the sufferer won't entertain recovery Until the negatives of the disorder begin to out weigh the benefitsThe first port of call is usually your GPHe/ she is not an expert in EDsAnd will refer the sufferer on to mental health servicesOr what ever services are available in the communityI saw numerous counsellors and therapists over the years And found the of little helpBut then I had no interest in getting wellIt wasn't until I started seeing Mary a few years ago that I began to even entertain the idea of recoveryI've also been inpatient numerous timesAnd have come to the conclusion that it is not for meI don't doubt that it works for some peopleBut definitely not meI have always done much better recovering from homeThat's probably because I am lucky enough to have a very strong family around me
Often in the grip of an EDOur world shrinks to just us and the disorderWe push away family and friends We lose interest in school and hobbiesAnd become completely immersed in the EDWe read about itWatch films about itWatch documentaries about itMaybe we speak to others on line about itNothing else mattersNothing else captures our attention like our EDI thinking the tricks of recoveryIs finding something that matters to you more than the EDWhat ever that may beA hobbyA jobA personAn interestIn my case it was my dogs They meant more to me than my ED ever could And have massively helped me in my recoveryEveryone has something that they love Be it horse ridingReadingWriting ActingHula hooping It could be absolutely any thingAs long as it means something to you
I don't have all the answers All I can do is share what worked for meAnd give some one rough guide linesI'm not an expertI have been through itAnd am lucky to have made it out relatively unscathed I like to use the analogy of the wild animal when talking about recoveryI think recovery is like training a wild animalYou can train it And manage it But there is always the possibility that it will biteAs you can never fully tame itI never consider myself out of the woods I know it's a life long battleWith many hurdlesAll we can do is take it day by dayMeal by mealKeep putting one foot in front of the otherAnd keep goingTo have hope Faith And courageAnd as I always like to sayBaby steps all thee way!